Chao's Chaos

Evanescence Live In Malaysia

2012-02-06T10:01:00.002+08:00

I wonder....

Hope

2012-02-05T19:28:00.000+08:00

just a little
for the possible
for that little glimmer of light

a wish
of the simplest kind
faces disappointments

hope
what gives
both excitement and sadness

Keong Hee!

2012-01-26T20:38:00.000+08:00

it couldnt be any better being back in my hometown for the festive shui loong season.
but first, there are the exodus madness going back with the rest of the population heading out of the city.

how does one decide, the more crazier traffic to travel during the long holidays - chinese new year or raya? makes you wish that those who are not celebrating should not be clogging up the traffic together with those who have higher priority. they ought to leave a day or two later.

A Ten-Hour Travel
let me share with you the 10-hour journey endured this year, together with rain and wet road conditions.

one should not even expect to reach home by the usual travel time. double the time, or more would be a more prepared approach. at times like this, toilet would be the last thing to rush for. while everyone's bladder limit would take about 2 hours or so, that's the estimation where everyone will be at the same rest house and the next one after that. so if possible, dont even drink a glassful. sips would do better.

leaving at noon, it was about a 4-hours ride upon reaching Tanjung Malim rest house. you could say, the biggest hold-up award goes to the place itself. it was so congested that the PLUS authorities had to close it. yet it didnt stop desperate people who needs a break, parking their cars along the roadside before and after the exits, and also on the emergency lanes. everyone was just jumping queues and emergency lane became a driving lane. the short presence of traffic police cleared the problem for a while, but it resumed the moment the officials disappeared. however, desperate moments by-the-roadsides somehow wasnt as many spotted compared to a few years ago during the CNY eve madness. any how, passing by the rest house, i need not mention the majority race who would preferably not be anywhere on the highway during the season.

it was a smooth breeze the very moment we drove past the rest house for 45 minutes until we caught up with the slow moving traffic at Sungkai/Trolak that leads right up to Tapah. we exited at Sungkai with a short toll jam... and a much-needed toilet relief/leg stretch/diaper change etc. from there, we travelled along the trunk road. being a better navigator and added with common sense, it's a straight drive up north. passing by bidor, batu gajah, lumut, 6pm tapah, simpang pulai (not in order, of course) until our tummies grumbled before reaching ipoh. this is where we thanked the existence of drive-thru McD in Kampar (and while i've gone through some of these small towns last year) and ate along the way, exiting at gopeng as the sun sets.

Ipoh checkpoint was already at 7.45pm. with a little relief of knowing half the traffic is left on the road, it's not really a big wonder that the halfway point took us almost 8 hours to reach. but the journey has not ended, bringing more snail paces at the tunnel and taiping at 9pm. you can bitch or complain or curse all anyone wants, but that IS the reality and fact that cannot be changed when travelling on such days, inclusive of non-road-abiding users and any wrong decisions made.

glorious it was, when the card beeped at Juru toll at 9.45pm. with the smooth traffic as time was getting late, it was a fast breeze arriving in Green Lane about 15 minutes. good thing im staying near the bridge and not in town or anywhere further.

just so you know, this isnt the ultimate record holder. Pg-haadyai-phuket by van will always be etched to the family memories (so much we refused to return the same way!)

Home Surprises
it's been quite a long while mum hasnt done any funny things to the house. perhaps the number of home trips i've made last year, the small things were unnoticed. as long as i can remember since campus days, there will definitely be something new happening - garden landscape change, new water pot element, new shrubs, furniture placement, new paint etc.

this year, the Penang-flag colours of yellow-blue had a swap with green and blue instead. the plus point, there were no eyes widened saucer-plate size as it was nightfall. at least not until i was in the porch to realise the gaudy yellow-blue has been replaced. so gaudy that when it was painted during one of the CNY, i swore we were at the wrong house being daytime!

and then there's mum and dad, to tell you right in the face that you've missed the BEST kiamhu gulai kut (salted fish bone curry, with long beans and prawns), not-so-best kiamchai thng (pickled vege soup) and joohoo char. yes, i know.... if we'd arrived an hour earlier, i'd would very much hold my hunger to devour the peranakan food cooked by mum.

being back home is a relief. but it's also a pain in the neck. not a choice but to just refrain as much as i can or just shut up.

Increasing the Stakes
the more prominent change this time around (or would have been for last year) is the presence of more nieces and nephews. not necessarily all babies but it was a two-year gap since i last saw most of them. and for kids, 2 years is indeed a big difference - being the monster, walking, or babbling too much. not being around last year too, was a difference for us cousins and elder relatives as some of us only meet once a year, hence making CNY as annually as possible to gather as many as possible. albeit usually not the entire chain.

angpau receiving too, became a highlight with almost everyone who still has to give to the unmarried one and getting old (like yours truly), it's supposedly my last angpau from them. "next year no more already ah...", "faster get married so i dont have to give you anymore...", "dont get a penang boyfriend, so we can charter one bus and travel outstation!" they all have indeed changed strategy, and leaving my regular reply the end of the money run.

there's also the cute tot. the one year-old baby, the attention of everyone's eyes. to be carried, to topple as she tries to walk, to crawl all over the place. bumps and cries. banging of table. whining when she doesnt gets what she wants from tissue paper to table food. her cute antics of waving goodbye and 'answering' phone in delayed manner. the nicer aspect for her, she has little cousins to play with, although not at that age for her to actively run about yet, being with your own generation is always a fun thing.

More Than Chinese New Year
the fourth day of CNY is also another reunion day for the Khor family, as it is also Ah Kong's death anniversary. as inauspicious as it could get, talking about death on new year, it's no longer a big deal to the family. it became a yearly routine for us cousins and relatives to gather again in Lunas and pray to our departed grandparents (grandma passed away 6 months after that). anyway if we're unable to visit one another during the first two days, the fourth day will be the main day. and if we're lucky, we'd pay someone to pluck coconuts from the yard! this year would be a little more cheery as the shopfront has changed to cater for Jason's wedding. so it's bright yellow and cemented to an empty hall space.

fond memories, the shop days....

you think having a funeral on the fourth day is unlucky? it cant be helped. death happens anytime. and the fact that it wasnt the first two days would be a blessing. it was purely a waiting game back then for about a month plus, as grandpa was ill. and it was that one call at Gurney Plaza. the funnier incidents were trying to find out the whole entire cost of the funeral as prices would double or triple during festive period, double ang pau for those who paid their respects, mentally singing let it burn, let it burn on the final night and burning myself with the joss-stick during the burial!

oh but there's more - paternal grandma's death on chap goh meh in 2001. but since it's all in christian manner, so there's practically nothing to be done. unless it's of one's own willingness to offer prayer in light of CNY.

that's just life.

when celebration at hometown gets shorter, with only three days of CNY on the island... some things just would be a skip. this year's prayers, meeting up with friends. munching ngaku in front of the tv endlessly. and watch the tot tumble and cry.

oh well, there's still the rest of the days here in KL, and with extra holidays to cap it off. that's when small cash shows up for little card games! and visiting some peep's with more festive time!

i miss the Ninth Day noisiness... KL will never reach to the maximum hype compared to an island with hokkien community.

and finally, starting work tomorrow! absolutely zero mood, but how much can i ask for while being on probation? the fact i still can hide today, is a bonus itself. so dont push too much for things.

Road Slave

2012-01-18T22:56:00.000+08:00

If you dont have to bow down low to the road everyday, good for you.

i dont know how many hours does an average road user spends on the road, being stuck in daily traffic and in out-of-the-ordinary cause of traffic jams. but it's definitely not a healthy way of living with such madness.

during the school holidays, taking LDP from home to work was indeed a breeze, with an average time of 50 minutes and plus minus 10 minutes. frankly speaking, it's considered ridiculous in my head having to travel anywhere and taking more than 30 minutes. that's what's it's like being born and bred in the little island, even the jam in Penang isnt as stressful as KL.

and normal working-school days, 1 hour would be the average. anything less is a miracle. and anything more than additional 15 minutes is hitting my driving limit. the longest by far, 90 minutes of stress and weariness.

90 minutes in the jam can make anyone go crazy. 30 minutes from my apartment to tapping my toll card took 30 minutes. read: thirty minutes. on normal days, it's only 10 minutes. the additional 20 minutes of moving inches on the road and driving less than 10kmph, and driving a manual car... it's a curse every morning. and sometimes in the evening. that itself, is the last thing you want to bear after a crappy morning drive and a long day at work.

the world has never been fair.

to avoid the jam, is to leave early. and that would be very early. for all i know, leaving an hour earlier from 8am may just make me sleep on the road as it also means i've to be up by 6am. yes, the earlier the morning, the slower i am to get things done. and reaching office way early... what am i going to do? spend 1 hour eating nasi lemak everyday? and to avoid evening traffic means to leave later. if i have to working late, that'll be ideal. but when all you want is to get home early and rest, the jam is unavoidable.

my average jam span on the road is 2.5 hours. it has reached to 3 on the same day. and there'll be more to come.

as much as i would prefer to take the public transport, it's absolutely ridiculous from my location to work. i'll go equally crazy, if not more, by taking buses and no idea how many i'll need to change and wait and change. and trains has yet to exist in this part of klang valley. and to say there's too many cars on the road. not everyone has a choice of public transportation.

and while it's been 5 weeks with decent traffic, and 11 days of ridiculous jam... i can only ask myself, how long will i be able to persevere. having traffic to break the work deal. and no way im going to move somewhere nearer when i still have to pay for my own permanent home.

im not the only one dealing with the jam every day, regardless of the duration wasted on the road. we're all road slaves to the traffic jam.

so much of releasing the exhaustion and frustration accumulated every day...

Work Frenzy

2012-01-15T01:41:00.002+08:00

Finally, the first madness of the year has ended. But it was indeed much of a hectic stress from clients, to suppliers to colleagues.

X were the first clients i've met since starting work and while i had tons to catch up and understand at least 70% of the whole thing as soon as possible. going through old documents (the project was postponed a year later, so most of it were pretty much done) engaging people and assisting as much as i can, being new and somewhat inexperienced in some areas.

I've been working mostly on content side and client servicing in the past. and lack severely in logistics and supply. it was pretty hard to find a proper footing but to do whatever i can. and them being the first people to service, i had seen and heard their weird whims, demands and sorts. and with my boss advising me on ways to understand and tackle them.

boss is a structured perfectionist. at times to tackle problems or preparing presentation, we'd go to the most extreme miles to 'idiot-proof' the whole thing and leave no open holes. everything is thought of, considered and justified. even to selections that do not make the cut are justified. and along the way, picking up more tricks from good ol' powerpoint. but the learning doesnt stops there. it's even the smallest thing - getting around KL, frequent visits of familiarisation, keep laughing matters in the head etc.

most people eat when under stress. i fall on the opposite.

as the pressure rises even higher, nearing the event date. late nights every day, finishing from 10pm, 11pm, 2.20am and 1.30am. everyone burning the night to make things as perfect as possible, detailed as possible, overseeing any possibilities that may go wrong and steps after that. to the extent that boss even bought 2 bottles of red wine while working late. that was a shocker to me.... that aside, the entire week was not only stressful but no output or time for myself. nothing but work and sleep and sleeping hours were shortened with night housework routine. barely any time for myself to wind down or a simple breather. either time for myself, or shorter much-needed rest time for the next day.

the limit was absolutely up to the neck by the end of thursday. physically - dinner was just cereal and 3 days with nothing at all. mentally - work, work, work. emotionally - i dont even have time to talk to the walls or to myself. and just that one moment of peace, the overwhelming emotion of lethargy, sanity and everything else were made clear. but it was hours to event day.

trying to be strong at the right time, right place has never been easy.
and to break down in silence against the wall. glad i did that albeit a little, to give a little more emotional take the next day.

and then, there's the anything-can-happen bug. and at times you just have to go with the flow.

event day. when many things although not in your control entirely, can go totally haywire and run out of control. certain things can be manageable.

while the influence of surroundings especially in office who punctuates every sentence with f-word, and my teammate who has lots of connections when it comes to suppliers, she's really brilliant. just that she's probably the biggest cina-gangster i've encountered. i kid you not. she enjoys fucking people up, seeing people fuck up in anything, loud, brash. simply saying, she a regular working woman... until she opens her mouth. personally, it's a horrible influence. while she gets her job done, but not in the best manner. not to mention being a cina-student, her basic england and spelling is lousy. it does make one look bad, regardless how fantastic one's working experience is but your basic language is a pain. So anyway, yes, she gave me a hard time and added up to my stress level of interfering my area and worse, changing everything in her own way without at least sharing it with me at all.

im to oversee the students welfare and coordinate with them on photo session. not being able to run rehearsals with them at all, so to keep instruction to a minimal is the best although it may be a little messy but is easier to manage. nope, the sound & light manager jumps into my scene and from 3 simple instructions became 5 times more. fine, she may think i am not well-versed enough to handle things but im not stupid. let alone, someone who wants to jump in but doesnt share their thoughts with you before giving instructions is just the worst way to work. firstly, it does make me look as if im not in control when i am. secondly, if there are any changes to be made, shouldnt it be discussed or suggested with the manager who will be present at site to oversee? secondly, please, i dont like your manner and im holding back in front of the kids and reaching my own stress limit. sorry, the very least i can do to let go a little is get boss's advise on how to handle (and it may makes me look as if im complaining but im not). i've learnt one's character when in stress mode, aware of it and learn how to play the game.

at least i know i can deal with people better in a more pleasant manner. and her gameplay is being a typical gangster bitch. even the school teachers were terrified of her. well, you got what you wanted... for people to fear your words and aggressiveness. sorry, takde class langsung.

told them to shout AXIATA! at the count of three

finally for everything to end was a relief. all the pressure built-up, the lip-biting what-if moments felt so far away by then. it was also nice to have some lighter moment with the scholars, especially with the orchestra students. they gave me an opportunity to try playing the violin! playing the violin was something i've always wanted to try and even learn during school... but never been able to fulfill it. and the first feel, touch and pulling the bow on the strings... who knows, i hope to remember the thrilling moment and excitement and eventually be able to learn the instrument one day.

after all the packing up and driving out of pwtc, getting stuck in 7.30pm jam was a blessing in disguise. me time. fatigue and lethargy was sinking in, causing the brain to shut down and the struggles to stay awake was a battle. the whole entire day - only fueled with breakfast cup of oats, 1 glass of cordial, about 250ml water and adrenaline kick.

here's the few knacks.

im the kind of person who prefers to stay out of limelight and attention. being in this project and the newbie, i havent been dealing with client directly, but only attending a few meetings and note taking, running coffee errands (since starbucks is a stone throw from the main door). and interaction with the clients is barely noticeable. it wasnt until that one con-call on a seperate X project that client remembered my name. even boss was surprised. and when the launch ended, getting a thankful hug from client is totally out of my expectation. kinda weird actually. checking the emails today, lots of appreciation, credits, and good words from client and boss. yes, i know it's a good sign, if not more. me being me, i still have issues taking in those. i know, i deserve all the praises and whatnots. yet something in me feels uneasy when its more than necessary. to me, i dont think what i did was all that great to deserve such high praises that hasnt recedes yet. okay, enough. not to forget, client wants to treat us all dinner.

the good thing, i wont have to see them tomorrow for the badminton finals. yes, another X project in relations to the game (and to get ideas from the match). seeing them 5 days in a row is really bleagh. 6 is too much! but work goes on and the launch hasnt tie its knots yet. Post mortem - the ones where spits and spats may appear...

so that's the whole of this week. im gonna enjoy my cup noodle and peanut butter sandwich and simple bites. although tomorrow is sunday, and a more casual time but it's still work purposes.

and yes - SLEEP!

Shopping Spree

2012-01-08T20:31:00.001+08:00

Now i really get the idea of why shopping can be therapeutic.

When it was christmas, the fun part was buying gifts for friends. in ways where the giver gets the kick of giving crazy presents to the receiver, and getting more useful ones that they'll appreciate more than the silly ones. so who's the happier one in this - giver or receiver?

that's once a year. and sort of my way to make up the occasions where i never have the idea of what to get during their birthdays! or rather how i'd explained to someone, "that makes up for the birthday present, christmas present, new year present, valentine present and all the presents in the year!!!" you cant say im totally being a cheapskate as it's not just one present, but 2-4 per person. the thing of getting carried away buying things when you look around too much!

then there's buying things for your own self.

it's been a very long while since i've splurge this much. partly, because i've not been able to shop anything nice during the year-end sale, without having monthly salary at all. yes, you can really feel the restriction in many things when you have to be conscious about taking out cash from the wallet during that period. being thrifty. calculative. going all cheap. makan treat would be fastfood. walking past at shops even when you see something really nice but to let it go. and there's the time when my shopping account was totally on mum's expenses.

and now with money slowly injected into the savings account... the urge to suddenly pamper yourself - long run, short term, for that present point - is like loving yourself. that feel good mood. and not to mention the dent that may occur on the credit card.

That present point
i call it experience and it usually falls into things that goes in-goes out like food and beverages. maybe indulgence would be a better term. something as simple as milk tea or starbucks or ice cream. McD prosperity burger with twister fries. the kind of cravings to just get over with.

Short Term
the other kind could be a little more of luxurious (read: little more) like japanese food, yummy ribs, delicious pasta. food indulgence that you know it'll keep you satisfied and wont crave for it until several months later. foie-gras isnt (and will not be) categorised here or anywhere else.

Long Run
this calls for replacement of things that should go - clothes, shoes, bags etc. fashion change. worn out clothing items and footwear. and these new set will last quite a while. so yes, the chunk is justified. well, mostly, if i dont start questioning too much.

Replacement. that's the main thing. followed by change of wardrobe for something different. partly influence from social environment. and heck, i just need something else to try for comforts.

i've heels that's been flaking. the ones that are peeled. and the ones with unbearable discomfort. so away with those and new ones of heels and flats from Vincci. besides, there can never be too many footwear since it's worn so often on a daily basis. my slippers are on buaya mode but there's other slippers still wearable. itching for a new flipflop, ive one in the house since the current pair went to office.

then there's the wardrobe. to make way for new ones, the old ones will have to go eventually. that's the fun part! also the clothing that no longer fits or worn out needs changing too. clothing is such an important apparel i cant believe im declaring that statement especially when it comes to comfort and confidence wearing it. no matter how gorgeous, how beautiful or how great it looks - why buy if you dont feel good in it and cant carry it well. both outer and inner wear. new tops should match with bottoms as much as possible and whatever is available in the wardrobe. mix-and-match. and perhaps with everything else existing in the wardrobe for a good stretch of choices.

speaking of inner wear, some has gone out of shape after a few years - mum will definitely disagree of buying such expensive garments. while i try not to spend too much on it (even rm50 for a bra is a cringe) but it will be a long time for the next spending. woman - you just want to feel good in it even if it's not for anyone's viewing. and yes, buying 1-2 in sets. that's putting myself, in the centre again. and yes, there are also the ones which you wont wear out of home at all, so that stays there. same goes for undies.

while there isnt a need to buy anything specific for night wear - t-shirts and running tees suffice for that, some graphic tees which are sold specifically for that purpose isnt what it is made for when it goes into the wardrobe. they just look nicer worn as day wear! and not forgetting mum's complaints of my pajama pants... so yes, replacement again.

come to think of it, i think i really need to clear off a bit more of old clothing....

there's the case of i cant wait for CNY syndrome also. i've already worn a white butterfly top and both new footwear which should have been for CNY. sorry, not waiting. too bad.

CNY contribution to Kitschen, Vincci and Jusco.... I can stay off apparel shopping until mid year or longer. while everything bought is justified, there's no denial it made a whopper damage on the credit card. the next billing is already 70% of my salary. so have to make up for it the next several months.

oklah, im still happy with what i bought.

PS: it's an 'expensive' price to pay after skipping my run this morning. but no, it decided a skip as i needed a break from tiring late nights from work this whole week.

Fine Dining

2012-01-07T12:34:00.000+08:00

Im a person who hardly lives with any kind of grandeur.

I'm fine with a roof over my head. so when it comes to visiting or staying in really nice houses or posh hotels, it's like being in a whole new level. the places i hang out are also regularly middle-class malls and something within my pockets means. the things i usually eat off a plate are of a commoner's lifestyle of hawker, cheap fastfood, non-aircond places or middle-class income.

ever since i've started working in the current company, it's not just the working experience that im learning. speaking of work, the biggest diva i've dealt with is DDZ - an intelligent and who, at least has class and grace in his words and sarcasm. but the ones im working with currently is more than just a diva (without style), an extreme snob and looks down on many things akin comparing Brahmins to the Sundras. of course, it's also pleasing to hear how the client struggled when the team travelled to an isolated idyllic island to oversee the Natgeo project. yes, my idea of glory of seeing kinds like that suffer and cower in a helpless planet.

anyway, back to experience. it's been a good opportunity as there's the whole new higher level above the middle-class. apart from the working lifestyle of a larger company, the experience of many in-house celebrations, the places i've been so far, staying in 5-class hotels and dining in restaurants where food is served in a humongous plate but you'll never be full from its serving size.

imagine eating something that costs rm60 - Mediterranean grilled sea-bass with roasted vegetables - and you would prefer to eat tai chow with lots of pork cracklings.

it's my second time dining at Le Midi in BSC. first was company christmas buffet lunch where it's more filling. but looking at the regular menu that time, ridiculous was perhaps the best word to describe. food with class just isnt my kind of palate. the price is just crazy for that small tiny portion. okay, credits to tedious preparation and wonderful taste. i guess i dont really know how to appreciate such elegant fine dining when we usually eat to live.

after a crazy 5-hour meeting with the brahmin diva and all the involved parties for the project, we headed back to office to finish up some small stuff. while i was starving since all i had for lunch was a granola bar, struggling with the team to finish up our presentation on time. stark hungry and at 9-ish, all i was craving was a simple KFC or McD, and to sleep early. but boss had other ideas in mind, on her treat.

Le Midi we went, all because i wanted proper solid filling food. and Vineria was more of drinking (but i think i'd eat more there with pizza). i had my expensive fish and sam followed, boss ordered some appetizers and a beef pasta to share. in between chats, laughs, counting our numerology and red wine, boss ordered something which was totally out of my league.

homemade terrine of duck foie-gras Apicius with fig jam, served with toast - four pieces of appetizer for rm68.

i'd rather finish the entire bowl of coated spicy soy nuts than to dine something which isnt filling even after the grilled fish. and foie-gras....?! the process of even force-feeding goose/duck until their liver explodes is just inhumane (just as shark's fins). so anyhow, to try is an experience.

it just didnt occur to me to take a photo. partly due to the dim lighting in the restaurant. but it looked like a small dollop of fig jam, on top of something that looked like an avocado slice sitting on round piece of bread. Sam wont eat. Zoe had half. i had a piece and Ju ate the rest.

what it tasted like? as the foie-gras was in pate (made into creamy spread), putting half of the appetizer and chewing it is likely an acquired taste. it's something i dont really know how to describe. it has a thick feel of the paste, taste nothing of sweet or savoury. the hint of liver taste is there (how different can pork liver or duck liver be anyway?). peanut butter definitely tastes way better than this. so yes, i've tried foie-gras. first and the last.

4 bottles of red wine. crazy numerology counting and the Christmas Party gossips, which i'm glad i wasnt around to witness my colleagues getting drunk. but the restaurant had a very nice ambiance. even our night was disrupted twice by this jelly thing....

Yup... we were sitting in front of a tank of jellyfish. it gave this serene feel when you watch it float around the tank. the manager of the restaurant told us that taking care of jellyfishes is even harder than a baby. water temperature needs to be specific (about 18 degrees celcius), salinity of salt water, water movement musnt be too harsh or slow. and feeding it with planktons through a syringe must be of a specific amount.

the baby jellyfish got stuck twice, hence us having to move our sofa away from the tank.

from a tiring late night this week, i must admit the Friday night ended well with some chillax time with the team. and even with the list of things i have to to this weekend, including the first run for the year... i just want my relaxation time for it's going to be worse next week with the scholarship launch.

so yes, im skipping the run. mentally not there either. im gonna grab a cuppa of something nice, get my lazy arse to finish my cny shopping. and well... have a good rest.

Days of Twenty-Twelve

2012-01-03T10:36:00.000+08:00

inspired to sing my days through...

on the first day of twenty-twelve, this is what it gave me - a stiff neck and an empty gas tong....

on the second day of twenty-twelve, this is what it gave me - diarrhoea to shit all day loooong....

on the third day of twenty-twelve, this is what it gave me - an MC on the first day of my work....

on the fourth day of twenty-twelve, this is what it could give me - .....

.... Your guess is as good as mine...

Tong!

2012-01-02T11:31:00.000+08:00

Empty...

and it's a public holiday today.

Sempena 2012....

one, a crick in the neck

two, no more gas

three, diarrhoea for i-dont-know what caused it

yeay... -bleep-

Twelve

2012-01-01T17:22:00.001+08:00

you'd think i'd learned a little over the many years celebrated, not to make any resolutions and whatnots....
i'm gonna put that aside first.

2011 had been a year with an interesting twist. and giving some highlights to events (according to my definition) within the last 12 months.

January
- watching my first concert, Secondhand Serenade albeit a small one. but it's THEM!
- the birth of Sara, the first grandchild in the Lau family <3
- Jogjakarta holiday, a fun-filled crazy one!

February
- the ultimate boredom of celebrating chinese new year in KL, and in suppressed (stressful) silence.

March
- tak ada apa-apa happening

April
- submitting the letter of no-turning back, not knowing what i will face after that
- Pangkor weekend for fun
- the ultimate running event letdown by Energizer (and to find out that my current company did pitched for it!)

May
- Taiping road trip with Exco
- how nasi lemak and my sense of logic landed me into major trouble.
- the beginning of my life as a bumming pig

June
- winning a simple twitter competition from SCKLM. that's a first for any competition actually....
- the most murderous threat i'd exploded for 34th IDC

July
- Filling my lungs with excess secondhand smoke in Genting's Casino with mum
- Cameron highlands twice in 2 weeks

August
- when vanity calls for sugaring
- Toba-Medan vacation that could have been the most gorgeous greens ive ever seen so far

September
- Mooncake walkaround galore in ss14

October
- WESTLIFE CONCERTTTTTTT!!!!!!!!
- a night of 3 cocktails, 2 beers and being laughed at...

November
- GOLD COAST!!!!!
- getting back into the workwagon after 25 weeks

December
- double singapore trip, after 25 years.

the absolute presence in every month - the emotional and mental confusion and frustrations.

I've definitely travelled way a lot this year, both near and far. thinking back, i must admit im pretty surprised by it, and let alone having to live on PaMa loan to sustain for Gold Coast (and unfortunately my endless expenses for the last 2 months going broke). but yes, that 25 weeks - although not necessary very enlightening like having an apple to fall onto my head and *ting*.

that didnt happened. though i wished if it did, it'll probably do me some good. nope, so life of stupidity and absurdity goes on.

i wont even go any further to dissect the chaotic thoughts over the last 365 days. that will definitely not change for better or worse.

so for Twelve, get this:

i, for one, am not naturally a nice sweet person. neither am i, a being who knows how to appreciate or constantly be showing appreciation or love or whatsoever. im also a self-centred being, who puts self first before others most of the time. my own gains, my own achievements.

the kind of peer pressure i get revolves mainly having to behave and be that kind of an exemplary figure, which is really total bullshit most of the time - where what is said or goes into my head doesnt match most of the time with what i would really have done. too many of them are just too docile for the soot that i've been trolling in.

the very least i'll do - shut up and stay out of sight if im going be such a bitchy arse.

and if im ever taking a stroll on a nicer streak, that will be more real than having me to ask or to do things for the sake of courtesy or because i cant remove labels off my forehead. but generally, if things are said and done real time at present point of time - it's pretty real - both the fcked up and the lesser version of it. anything else delayed and given a second thought, it's all modified and filtered. im not questioning the fact of being mindful of speech and action, but a being not being a being.

too many of questioning my thoughts of the past in the present. so the present of the past was then and then. the present of the present usually disagrees of the kind of weird streak that befall then. thus, im better not questioning my stupidity of that moment.

things are going to change this year. starting with ME and ME. im dropping off all whatever things that derives zero intention. if im not putting any ounce of blood-sweat-tears in the beginning and not going to carry it on until after the end of it... dont even start in the first place. and anything that's gonna stake and leave me feeling punctured, screw the heck of it off.

and yes, im an anti social. while i dont quite enjoy uber large crowd but tolerable... until i walk out and not turn back. and nothing beats my solitude for my own time. me, again.

whatever it is, im just gonna be more of 'me' me. i could just send the various masks and put-ups to recycling service or just burn it all. despite all the nice-thoughtful gestures that is from the heart or on daily basis, just dont put me under the 'nice' category, because i dont acknowledge myself as one.

okay, i know i cant be all that retarded asshole bitch either. both ways just takes up too much effort. so let it be.

other matters....

i seriously need to keep my money growing. and recover my spending extravaganza. thats' gonna take a long while. not to mention 2 confirmed vacation this year - back to this continent.

if i can make the dream of 21km this year true. otherwise latest by year end.

i better get a permanent by june, or i'd be in fcked-up shit. and at this rate, as much im trying to restrain the effing word but it's gonna be impossible with the heavy usage of it at work, that seems to punctuate at every description of anything. and my definition of its usage is only when tolerance gets the final head blow.

that's it. im stopping here. the more i think, the worse it'll roll downhill.

Happy Twelve.
Life is just as it is. and it all live in that very moment and conditions.

i forgot to add. while fireworks are beautiful, but all these countdown thing ... im getting too old for all these humongous crowd and blaring vuvuzela-like noise.

Being

2011-12-30T00:57:00.000+08:00

i may not have perfectly adhered the kind of person i wish to be from the beginning of the year.

but one thing i know...

it's much easier being a self-centred bitch at any point of time. than to be the gentle soul that leaves no space for any turn of event.

for one, at this juncture of 2 days before 2012... i dont want to be bound by anything. not face. not commitment. not name.

the axis will be me. and my thoughts and importance will revolve around me as priority.

Jolly red christmas!

2011-12-24T12:35:00.000+08:00

internet's been down at home. and while ive been on the computer at work the whole day... home internet does feel like number 5 in my daily list.

all we want at home after work daily is just some quiet time. like bumming in front of the tv or just sleep early.

Anyway it's christmas season. it's somewhat harder to get presents for the peeps, not knowing what to buy. that resulted present hunting. instead of me looking for it, the presents have to look for me. it was tough. getting useless presents are easy, but useful ones without asking the recipients is a tough nut. and you just have to hope that it will be useful eventually. even if it goes to someone else and not the recipients.

the whole shopping route this season - BSC. Tropicana. Midvalley. 1 Utama. Gardens. sometimes its the fun of shopping and giving, that i think i got carried away. i dont even want to mention the total figure it reached. on a mental conning side, it's also partly for not getting them birthday presents when time is due. hence the package of useless plus useful presents. and the encounter of Candylicious at 1U old wing... there'll be candy and chocolates too!

see what i mean by getting carried away? colourful and nice stuff. maybe its just the part of syiok sendiri-ness.

the peeps will be at camp this week. a few medan friends will be down also. my parents are down. took my replacement leave on tuesday. we're given half day off in the spirit of christmas yesterday and coming friday.

my santa role, delivery the presents later today at camp. and sharing the chocs i got from office yesterday. spend the day tomorrow at home. wished i could do more shopping on parents' account as some of my wardrobe needs changing. not to mention i dont even have enough to pay off my card this month.... have to loan from PaMa bank again. sigh. my car tyre rim also need to be replaced after driving over a pothole and the darn thing must have flew off after that.

and ive not even vacuumed my room. ugh...

So thats all the sheer laziness i have for now to blog. ive got presents to wrap. and at the end of each day, the bed has never been more inviting that anything else.

So Happy Christmas and enjoy the festive air. And Happy New Year just in case my connection's still down by then!

Mariah Carey still at the top. and Ronan Keating is something i can share with.

Work & Singapore

2011-12-19T09:33:00.000+08:00

Such it is, with backdated posts, disturbing thoughts, and hardly any time to myself with busy weekends and late nights… and a whole bunch of backdated posts.

Truly 3 weeks of backlogged that the intention of posting individual posts for each event seemed too much of work. And the mojo kinda faded away.

So yes indeed, life back on the working world has been pretty somewhat a forgotten thing after a six-month break. The morning routine of waking up at 7am (an hour earlier compared to before). The laziest breakfast of a cup of oats in my milo. Followed by a 40-60 minute drive to bangsar. Traffic on LDP can never be predicted, not even a teller will get it accurate. The most I can predict is the sunway toll traffic, which has never changed throughout the longest period I can ever remember. and after some route testing, it’s still faster on LDP-Sprint compared to cutting through the housing area. Albeit ive not tried federal, the exit to LDP is pretty bad, therefore a skip.

The word is bangsar. So nothing’s cheap there. From a simple packet of nasi lemak of rm2.60 from Gourmet to Som Tam of rm15.00 at Burp!. So while I can, to cook my own lunch or tapau from kopitiam the night before if I’m free. Otherwise it’ll be Subway on Monday (with Italian BMT) or just take-away from Burp! with a wide range of Asian cuisine. The food at Burp! is generally okay, with a wide choice of Malay, Indian, Chinese wok, hot plate, Penang, thai, yong tau foo, chicken rice and drinks. The payment system there too is something I’ve not seen elsewhere as a credit card system. One can order and charge on the card, and you pay upon exiting. Only thing is that you’ve gotta check the receipt. I was charged on an extra food which I didn’t order (without checking my receipt, as you’d think it’s only 1 food and how could that go wrong) but managed to sort it out eventually. I’ve yet to try the ready-to-eat from Gourmet ranging from fried rice to chicken and sandwiches, even the bakery of a simple chicken mushroom pie is rm6.30 (but it’s nice).

The shops at BSC is mostly out of my pocket range. But the shops which I can frequent for my needs are the maxis shop for my bills and guardian for practically every toiletry and personal needs. Other shops within my wallet would be CBTL (wished it was starbucks) and Body Shop.

Parking is of course outside at the housing area, with a daily morning walk from heels to flats. so far DBKL’s been kind. And after a long day’s work, it’s an hour drive home through Section 17-SS3-LDP. A test drive on LDP is an additional 30minutes and frequent breaks, which I’d rather endure a slow but moving traffic. Gym’s nearby too, but Ive yet to try. One day, perhaps. Excluding the Big Chip and d2y practices, my kick-off shoes for the day ranges from 7.30pm to 9.00pm, followed by cooking for lunch (if time permits and if there’s anything left) or just chilling a little bit before hitting the bed as early as possible like 11.30pm and singing practices night would be 12.30am to 1.00am.

Work so far hasn’t been anything heavy, as I’m assisting on projects. My boss is quite quirky and straight to the point. While my teammates are all smokers and drinkers, including boss (they vouched to change me). But workload will kick up a storm once 2012 starts, with an event in January and a tournament starting March. Clients that I’ve met so far are anything but humble. So much that you’d want to dump them in ulu kampung (not even india) to see them squirm and plead for help, instead of being high-mighty and stereotyping.

Other than that, after 2 weeks of work, I had my first office social outing in a form of company dinner in Singapore at Hard Rock Sentosa. One heck of a long journey that we arrived 2 hours behind scheduled time. So that didn’t leave us any time to venture on Sentosa at all. With the theme Glam Rock, my entire outfit was borrowed, from head to toe. And that surprised most colleagues who suggest I should keep that look every day. that glam look which is too much work on daily basis, won me cash prize of SGD200, and additional team games of rmSGD500 per team. It’s also been a long while I’ve stayed in a 5-star hotel that I was wow-ing at every single part of the hotel room in Grand Hyatt. Okay, so im just easily excited with these kind of things. The nice thing was catching a quick lunch with Mien and Bins J

While Sentosa took my weekend, I was in Singapore the weekend before with MOD with the invitation from Singapore Buddhist Mission’s 30^th anniversary. While being on my own to take in the sights and exploring the surrounding was simple joy, some things just doesn’t change being in the crowd. Im still better off on my own. Limitations are there, and im just not along their lines most of the time, as always. Anyway, that being my first Singapore trip after 23 years, I admit it’s a beautiful country. So much green breathing space unlike the cities here. Expensive cars are everywhere. Excellent MRT. But they still fail in culinary.

So with all that packed 3 weeks, a lot of things in the home took the back seat. Laundry, house cleaning, room cleaning. Same goes for quiet time for self. I suppose the next round of quiet time wont be until after new year, with Medan friends coming down for Christmas and well, while I don’t have anything scheduled for new year, im pretty sure there’s bound to be something. But I wont mind nothing. As time goes by, the list of things to get for my own use at work and home is gradually growing. Bank oh bank, why cant you grow my money faster…

So that’s all with I’ve to say for the last three weeks. With 6 months of self-time, it sure felt like the last three weeks was a bypass of everything.

And the only time to breathe in slowly is in my sleep.

Final Run 2011

2011-12-18T20:33:00.005+08:00

Somewhere in my head, after completing PBIM, it left the rest of my runs a thought – what is it that matters – to improve my time, or to complete the race within the time. For the last 2 runs, time improvement somewhat seemed a little far mentally.

My current tough terrain – Bukit Kiara, the second time. With the lost thought to improve, and the lack of consistent gym days since the last run 3 weeks ago, I know im not up to the challenge of creating a 5-10 minute improvement from the last Malakoff run. If I do, then im just lucky. Hence, let it be and if I need to walk, I’ll walk.

My strategy – leave uphill to walking, catch back the time by running downhill and jog on flat roads.

Being aware of my regular thoughts upon waking up, the lazy mind of wanting to return to sleep and asking myself reasons of going through this so often. Then again, I remind myself, this is probably the only thing I enjoy, or rather the only sport I can do, despite waking up ungodly hours and face leg muscle strain for 3 days. There’s the aim to do half marathon next year also, which I will fulfill at least 2 runs in KL and Penang.

Back to Malakoff, the outcome of this would have given my poor toe a total scream out. While it never did fully recovered in time from the last toenail friction, it had to go through another round after Siemens and is currently 95% blackened. And after today, a big fat blister which I had to drain out the fluid and ensure it stays clean from further infection. The poor toe, such an unhappy 2011!

Someone asked me on two occasions why im always attending these runs alone. Because I do this for my own self. And when it’s for self, you know the personal satisfaction is yours. Your own effort and work. Is there a need to go together with someone? In my case, no. but I do know those who will be there. That’s enough for me. Maybe because of this self-achievement and self-work, it’s your own expectation and our own self to blame if anything goes awry. But more importantly, how is it possible to go to the venue when there isn’t anyone from my place? Duh~

My shoes are taking a run break for now until January 8.

Results
Ranking: 123/377
Gun time: 1:26:13.19
Chip time: 1:25:23.72

the results is an additional 1 minute compared to last year. BWAHAHAHAHA... -_-" and ive no idea how Sooch and yongwei did it in 1hr 13 mins and 14 mins respectively. okay i know, mentally not in that frame.

The Singapore Jakun

2011-12-02T23:54:00.002+08:00

Watch this space. im too tired to blog about the new job and the singapore trip tomorrow.

all i can say for now... it's Singapore after a quarter century.

Guten nacht.

We Run KL

2011-11-28T09:49:00.001+08:00

Mental preparation is still very important when it comes to do anything. just about anything.

clearly, defeating my KL 10km mark is impossible yesterday. with the fact that i had wanted to boycott the whole run, being poorly coordinated and organised. and you'd think a sports label would have done way much better than some battery brand.

outsourcing is still important. and it doesnt help when it's being judged with other well-organised running event.

Nike We Run 10km KL had limited participation of about 10,000. pretty a sad number but if that's as much they can handle, so be it. of course, many people missed out the registration which was closed about 3 days once the word of the event spread. and by registering as a pair, the fee was just rm40. now that's one bargain you'll never get elsewhere of paying rm20 per person.

somehow, i've heard many people registered just for the 'made in sri lanka' dry fit tee. and likely not show up. apart from the tee, each participant received a nike squeeze bottle. and supposedly first 300 collectors are given the nike+ wristbands, which gives them the privilege to be right in front of the starting pen on the event day.

privilege. huh? and how many people knew that if it wasnt facebook, which real time passes by faster than anything else.

their running clinics were efficiently conveyed via emails. but the more important running kit collection was bad. bad as in informing via facebook on the collection day itself. and sms on the second day of collection. utterly nonsense if you ask me. no early notification in any form, and to allow people to plan their time to collect or collection on behalf. and seriously, no matter how much we assume facebook is a great networking tool, it doesnt give the 100% assurance that all your target audience are following.

that itself irked me. they just dont seem to consider their runners' needs.

after PBIM exertion, there's no point to do an overkill running on KL roads. let alone on the race day where there were only 5 cubicles prepared at the running site. you'd think people would prefer to empty their bladder before the run regardless if they have 3-4 toilets stops together with drink stations along the 10km route. that caused several people to be late, including yours truly. any how, the crowd walking past the starting point was moving so slow that one can still catch up with the crowd. just being the back of the crowd.

Irk #3. limitation of one lane. ten thousand of participants is about half of of other bigger race runs. but to converge the amount of people into one lane out of the two lane of the traffic flow is like calling an accident. it surely didnt help when you're trying to overtake and in that one lane is just crowded of walkers and small-paced joggers. screw it... im walking instead. rule of thumb is that if you're slower, stay on the left so other can overtake on the right.

overtake on the right. and likely get knocked down by a passing vehicle on the side.

mission 'bust the timing' was as planned. my personal way of not taking the race seriously since the event itself was a crap. but nothing could beat the ultimate stupidity.

despite the efficiency of putting distance marker, which is a good thing. but the last 1km was clearly a joke. 800m sign. followed by 600m. and the distance between the two boards were 50m apart! then another 100m after that was the 400m signboard. and the only accurate one was the last 200m to the finishing line.

i hate maths. but the signboards are more stupid than i am.

and the souvenir after the race - a 1GB pendrive in a nike shoe casing. a big fat shoe, only friendly if for USB side-by-side ports. totally useless for top-bottom ports.

Can anyone make such complains for the price of rm20, with such kind of experience from a sports label? they could have done much better.

25 weeks

2011-11-24T01:17:00.000+08:00

It doesnt feel like 25 weeks. doesnt feel like 6 months and 1 week.

It felt timeless. time that has no beginning, no end.

Facebook. twitter. emails. downloads. anime. japanese drama. avi movies. cinema movies. ipod. smurf village. bejewelled blitz. gym. runs. medan. toba. gold coast. sun. sea. sand. penang. food. cooking. sandwich. soups. pasta. sweeping. mopping. vacuuming. friend's departure. luggage packing. shopping. drinks. drunk. cocktails. beers. singing. concerts. performance. wedding dinner. reformatting. camps. late nights. birthdays. barbecue. cameron. fresh green vege. strawberry overload. jagung overload. cameron again. babysitting. sugaring. body combat. dental. mooncake. lantern. crazy neighbourhood walks. piano. sleepover. kathina. tv. drama. sitcom. football. fun. tears. frustration. self beat-up. incomprehensible. donkey. confusion. despise. warmth. sunshine. shamelessness. jakun. coughs. flu. sleep. late nights. godly morning. school friends. tuition friends. incovarians. ys peeps. modians. dutarians. indonesians. family. mau mau. cousins. reunion. you.

ME.

while i did wonder why i didnt do certain things earlier during the period. then again, that just wasnt the thought or inkling interest to do weird stuff then.

and back to the work force...

Blocking The Bridge

2011-11-21T14:53:00.002+08:00

It's nice to know that nothing stands in my way this year. and it's a 365 wait, all because of my work event, and with the presence of some big hair woman.

and finally, the day itself - Penang Bridge International Marathon 2011, November 20.

Preparation
- only 2 gym session since Adidas KOTR. that's about 6-7 weeks.
- down with running nose and on-off coughs a week before the event.

it's becoming quite a jinx of not being in pink of health prior to the runs. and out of 8 runs in total for the year, 5 of it succumbed to flu. mental strength does play an important role, regardless of the distance. and that particular strength fluctuates in my head. to convince myself to finish the race within my last timing and yet knowing the body condition (and without optimum sleeping hours) and the lack of consistent training, is a tough cookie.

after all, the reality odds vs positive optimism... that was just too much to sort in the head. and it didnt help as my memory failed me in packing my iPod armband and arm pouch to accompany along my run. the essentials that allows my brains to focus on the music beats has no spot to be with me.

the good weather was our side, with only light rainfall the night before. thus, the air was just nice, not too cold and the breeze was nothing like Coolangatta. and equipped with mum's small pouch to keep my necessities (which is better than not having my music), the place was just thronged with thousands of people, in blue for the men's, pink for women's and yellow for the digi people. and not forgetting, a high presence of school children is seen for the school category.

with a weak start-off blare that hardly captured the runners attention, one would only notice the race had started from the crowd moving forward to the front. walking, to be precise. call it kiasu, or being within a good crowd for support, being at the back isnt a good option but to exit from there and cut through the sidelines to be at the front half.

now here's the experience which i've probably had not such felt before. it may be just the particular podcast with strong momentum beats that allowed my pacing to sync with it. and i was totally lost in it. along the run, the crazy hunger kick didnt show up (breakfast was just 1 cup of oats, 1 banana and half a powerbar). breathing was steady and struggled in at the last 2.5km where it became heavier. pacing went in a smaller steps at that final distance, after keeping up a consistent pace without a single walk at all. come to think of it, the entire route was perhaps the easiest 10km of all, if not second after Energizer's at Sepang Circuit. as 10km was not even at the climb of the bridge midspan, otherwise it was mostly pretty flat and a small elevation rise from land to bridge.

perhaps i was mad, but i was really lost and immersed in such pacing. i was unable to track my starting time from my watch that doesnt glow in the dark but reflects light instead. neither was i able to end the time on my ipod. the trance of the heavy beats kept me all the way. a few walking footsteps, barely less than ten gave that stiffness in the calves, a possible lead to cramps. so i refused to give in to walking. everything was set into autopilot. just like BEP's line, just keep running, running... and running, running....

in a way, i didnt stop running at all except for the last water stop. one sip and the rest to clear my nose from that thick mucus from dripping.

until the finishing line, my legs gave way that i couldnt even stand. my nose, blocked completely and breathing totally went haywire. although as much i was on the side, pretty much collapsing that one uncle that was there was worried i'd faint that i ended up on the stretcher and ferried into the medical tent again (the first being SCKLM's). there was no actual need for me to be in the tent, but might as well let it be. and somewhat personally evaluate what is provided.

i've to admit, the medical staff there were really good to the extent of not taking a single chance at all. to a certain process of running, some health conditions are expected - faster beating heart rates and temperature rising. being very much conscious but just someone whose feet cant carry on and just need to sit and take a breather, the many voices i heard while in the tent was amusing. my bpm (beats per minute) was at 180. of course it's not at normal rate and after a run, that's actually normal as ive been training at 175 average. that sharp prick on my finger with my blood glucose taken. my finger was clipped to the whatever machine you called it. my temperature was at 39.6 degree Celsius that they doused me in ICE BATH until the temperature dropped... 5 baths? and it came to a point that the doctor was requesting and insisting for the iv drip to be inserted. anything but that! no way i want to suffer from that drip which i definitely do not need at all, neither bruises if they dont insert it properly for not finding the vein. as much as i didnt want, i had to resort pathetic means of brawling and near-cries. i won the battle, with statements in the record of "refused to drip". and after a few more blood pressure and temperature and heart rates taken to normal level, they let me off.

my only gripes here, the youths helping were quite senseless compared to SCKLM's. from all that lethargy, couldnt they at least prepare water in hand without being told, open the bottle and have a straw ready? instead of shoving an unopened bottle in my face, and i've struggle to sit up just to drink.

I better stop increasing my record being whisked into the medical tent.

other gripes, as the volunteers dont mark your bib once you've taken the medal within qualifying time, it allows just anyone who is a git, to swap bib and take other category medals. not to mention, being whisked into the medical tent and having to give that glare to the volunteers... this area needs improvement. and i've read complains that finisher's tee were giving to other categories that are not supposed to receive it.

the crowd was just too massive that i skipped venturing at the booths. and sat on the roundabout to rest. a good spot, and something you dont get to do on a normal day.

All in a nutshell, may i safely assume that i've maintained my 70 minutes record, if not better with compliments to my breakfast, podcast and an easy terrain to run on.

and of course, running kakis to meet up. and high school best friend!

now to wait for the results. and another run this coming sunday.

PBIM Results
Gun Time: 1:10:16.50
Chip Time: 1:07:01.49

and that's all which is released. wished they would put everything up instead, inclusive of ranking.

Updated Ranking: 132 out of 2937 participants in 10km Women open.

Yes, i am pleased. and i think i rock.

G.A.P

2011-11-15T23:55:00.000+08:00

Is there a need to declare things officially? to what purpose does it serve?

an assurance. be known openly. play safe. cover up. many other reasons.

is it the way we do things that differs, because of evolution of conditions?

ideology. methodology. analogy.

if the past can do things in that manner, why not now?

the extra mile. additional stretch. cyberspace.

basics are set for the fundamental reasons. is it not for a reason?

glistening. glide. continuation.

dont comply.

and the game can be played on a double.

The Gold Coast Pigventure

2011-11-13T21:47:00.071+08:00

The term squealing has been redefined.
i simply couldnt stop at all right from the plane, in the bus, and being on the sandy beaches itself!

it's just seemed so real. it is real. me, in gold coast, australia.
AUSTRALIA!!!!

you'd probably get the idea from all my vacations that has been blogged or posted on picasa. so subtle and mild and so asian. so i was looking forward for my first trip in another continent, a place which culture i barely know not, society only viewed from media and everything else from the internet.

being there for real... it opened up wonders. and more to be explored since i was only at one tiny part of the down under.

and as this post serves a record of all the epic jakunness... it's gonna be one heck of the longest post ever written! this post should be accompanied with finger food.

Day Zero, November 5 - The Night Flight
It was a good thing the schoolies (or local school holiday) doesnt start until mid november. that resulted us in doing loads of things pretty last minute - from trip confirmation due to my so-called job (which has its own issue) and Evil's exams. accommodation booking and season passes to the parks were settled on the monday itself. money changed. and had the passes printed out on the departure day itself. the funny thing was that we took everything for granted that Evil didnt check the print at all and thus... it was not the required page! yes, we left out this info from Tal and laughed ourselves silly while on the way for a McD dinner so we'd happily left that as it is and think how to settle it later....

a habit of all times when i travelled with the guys, it's always to be there 2 hours' earlier. Evil thought i was nuts when we could have easily just be at the airport 45 minutes before. i wont wanna exchange too much words with someone who's working with the airline itself, so she would know better. but the funny thing, she's flying as a passenger, so she cant skip the que at immigration lines!

stepping on the Airbus 330 is my first (since it's not the usual small fleets). there's the Premium seats, with flat beds and personal reading light. of course, more spacious than the rest of the seats on board. if it wasnt all occupied, im pretty sure i could have jakun-ed with the switches and buttons. walking down the aisle, we comfortable had a row to ourselves (the perks of travelling with an FA!).

the overhead differs from the small fleet. while you get to call the attendant or push the reading light, the mini air switch isnt available (so we'd freeze from the central aircond). even the reading materials differ. flipping the food menu, and other stuff.... i came across a booklet on East Malaysia travels. handy since my next travel is to Miri. i just had to usik every single thing in sight, including the coat hook located at the side of the headrest.

an 8-hour flight, the night was just meant to sleep. we didnt exactly slept with a long deep slumber. it was tad cold for me. announcements were jolts. and my long legs were constrained to be folded. and eating nasi lemak in the air at 3.36am malaysian time wasnt easy. as brisbane time is two hours ahead of malaysia, it sounded possible but not for that time. at least the sambal is yummy enough to help me finish and exchanged with Pig's kids meal.

the break of sunlight was visible from the plane at that same time, perhaps flying over the huge inland of australia.... and soon, two hours later, we could see the coastal shores! the thrill had me squealing endless aaaahs so much that i couldnt contain my excitement even in the head. and the sight of its landscape is something you dont see at home, especially the many creeks.

Day One, November 6 - The Leisure Stride
Touch down at the Coolangatta Airport, it is small but modernly cosy (ive seen even punier ones). the customs in aussie is so strict but the officers were friendly. after checking at a information counter, we opted for unlimited bus pass for 3 days, which includes airport transfer for AUD70. yes, believe it... we were taking in the sights all by public bus!

it was more excitement squeals as the bus drove long the coastal line. sunshine! gorgeous sand! clear blue skies! and i had to remember to breathe. less than 8 minutes or so, we've arrived at our hostel. what made it even more exciting was that the beach is just down the road! over-enthusiastic ideas were playing in my head.

the first thing we did, even before we plonked on our beds as the room wasnt ready yet, was to hit the beach. the strong cold wind tamed the bright sunlight. it was coldly sunny. shoes off, and the soft fine sand between the toes were pleasant. with every footstep on the sand, it gives a squeaky sound. seagulls are seen everywhere, just as their webbed footprints. we camwhored under the gorgeous sky, played around the chilly seawater, had our butts and bags damped with large wave surprises. it was truly the kind of thing which we could forgo everything else and just played on the beach. the only thing short in this little community was hot bodies of young adults to look at. most of the people are of elder citizens who wont feel anything about showing off their flabs.

so what's next? our pass for the parks wasnt printed yet, so that will have to wait. we strolled around the main street of Coolangatta on foot and had our brunch. after browsing our brochures in the hostel, we hopped on the bus to the Currumbin Wildlife Sanctuary. it was more sight seeing and the journey somewhat felt quite long, not knowing where exactly to stop and feeling extremely lethargic, dozing off momentarily. eventually the bus driver told us we had arrived and our energy slowly oozed with excitement again under the noon sun.

we were greeted by the souvenir shop first, shortly entertained by the Rock 'n Koala, before reaching into the actual green boundaries. the park is huge, and it closes at 5.00pm. as there wasnt anything else much to do for the day, we hopped on the mini train to see what is in sight for us. excitement rushed as we passed different areas. after a round, it's time for a closer venture on foot and more photos. the camera memory spaces were filled with lots of koalas, kangaroos, wombats, dingos, tasmanian devils, birds, crocodiles, free roaming lizards. Three hours later, it was a bus ride back to Coolangatta but we decided to sit until the last stop, Centro Tweeds (which is about 20 minutes away by foot from the hostel), to use the internet for our season pass.

I suppose it's really no joke that the shops generally closes at 5.00pm, even if it's a simple mall. that is quite a culture shock as you dont see that happening at home. only grocers like Coles and Woolsworth are opened slightly longer. what was even more interesting after the whole daytime observation is how the road ethics were followed. vehicles stop to allow people to cross the road at zebra crossings. there's no need to speed like a maniac. and bus are super punctual with regular intervals. australians will naturally get a heart attack if they ever visit asian roads.

internet charges arent cheap. in fact, practically nothing is cheap in australia with such strong currency.... except toiletries. i was gushing at the products lined up on the shelves in the grocer, colourful and wide variants. even more amazing is that they have a self check-out kiosk! but that wont happen in malaysia. it shows how much trust they have in their on society, when ours will take any opportunity to even get away from paying if possible. armed with bottled water, orange juice, milk and bags of chips, we took the bus to the hostel just before the place closed. BUT thinking there is a stop outside the hostel when there was NONE, we boarded off at Kirra beach. it isnt that too far but just a corner turn from our hostel, where we strolled in the morning. it was a lovely evening walk back.... and a cold one! the tide was up, and the setting sun was picturesque. the pigs had crazy ideas of walking on the sand, but the tide was in and we didnt want to get caught between the rocks!

a long day it was, tired and hungry. we opted at the restaurants nearby (behind the busstop was Little Malaya, which we agreed NOT to each asian food during our stay!) and settled down indoors. it would have been a pretty evening view, but not while freezing our skin off. our meals were huge and just proved to be too much for us to finish every single morsel. we chit chatted and laughed of love and life, while partially dozing off. After a warm shower in the hostel (Pig "eh it's like camp!" with common shower and toilet stalls, a common scene for me in campus), we planned our time and adventure for Day Two and knocked out to sleep. and that was just 10.30pm local time....

Day Two, November 7 - Defying the Odds
The plan - hit the beach in the morning at 7.30. grab a quick meal at Centro Tweeds before heading to Seaworld. and if there's still time..... we'll figure out later. the other two parks is located inland and it's quite a distance too.

This is what it is said as a leisure holiday. we totally busted the morning part, still feeling tired, we added a little more sleep time. the bunk beds for 4 were very comfortable, better than some hotels. finally after some lolling on the bed, we dressed up, slather sunblock lotion and headed to the sea. we spotted people jogging (which you wont break a sweat regardless of the time), walking their dogs, taking a morning stroll at the park outside and along the beach. it was anything but warm summer beach, with the cold breeze and seawater. the waves were pretty huge than our mild west peninsula waves. partially a concern with the currents, we stayed closer to shore, yet challenging with the waves that knocked our balance off. the word frolicking would suit best.

the time we hit the warm shower - slightly after 10am. it was longer than usual for the bus (and our hair was in an absolute mess!) and just as we were about to set off on foot, it arrived. Tweeds looked so alive during the day, with the little quaint shops from pharmacy to meat, where we bought sausages and risoles to accompany our Subway brunch. while waiting for the main bus to Seaworld, we popped over the tourist centre. the lady made it sound as if it was a grave mistake to catch the bus that late, and should have taken the early morning bus. that left a little doubt in us. could we not cover seaworld with the time we had in the afternoon? we had three hours in Currumbin, so how impossible is it for this?

what was out of our idea was a 2-hour bus journey from Tweeds-Robina (switched bus)-Main Beach. the first bus goes through the airport, which seemed very much of a bonus for us. the entire journey looked decently near on the bus maps but it is quite deceiving. nevertheless, we had a closer look at the different areas on the route, from housing areas, schools, university, creeks, Surfers Paradise and finally Seaworld at 2.00pm. The question - will 3 hours allow us to cover the whole park? set the super speed mode on! we had everything in sight, caught a dolphin show, went twice for the park rides, a cute Sesame Street section for kids, and took our sweet time to check out the souvenirs on sale. I'm happy to finally have a twisty straw *grin* and what's a super huge souvenir cup if not for keeps? but the personalised name souvenirs from doorsigns to mugs and keychains... sob, there's so many other names but not Adeline or Venice.

perfect timing, the park closes, hopped the bus to Surfers Paradise and enjoy a little night life there!

the place has a feel akin a mix of Bukit Bintang and Patong Beach. a tourist spot, there's a mini mall, various shops from souvenirs, clothing and adult, diners from asian to western. just so much to see. after some light shopping at the discount shop, it's time to hunt for Hogs Breathe Cafe for dinner. and i mean hunt, with a map. it's a popular steak & grill outlet with one in Coolangatta. the food is indeed yummy but sadly, the service isnt up to par. oh did i mention i collect drink stirrer?

tackled 1 starters and 1 main meal, we still couldnt finish it. feeling pretty stuffed, we popped over Woolsworth at Centro Surfers for our breakfast. not wanting to head back too late, we caught the bus about 9.30pm (and freezing our butts off) and reached the hostel slightly after 10pm. along the way, we passed by Currumbin and that finally felt so near to Coolangatta! and to bed we went for an early morning start the next day. we couldnt afford to delay time as it's the last full day left in Gold Coast.

Day Three, November 8 - Tied to Fears
it's funny to wake up as early as 6.30am and the sun is as bright as 9.00am (could easily set off that you've overslept). the main bus leaves at 8.10am. that gave us a backwards calculation to have ample time of walking to Tweeds with breakfast in our hands, shower and of course, getting our lazy bums up.

the sunny rays warmed the skin under the cool wind. Griffith Street is a little quiet, with a few passing cars and mostly the public buses signing "Sorry, Not In Service" which will only change once they start the route at the first pickup point. Some of it flashed "School Bus" and some kids boarded off. probably the only occasion to see the schoolkids upclose, our uniforms have always been a bummer if not for our society norms and culture. only bakeries are opened, while some eateries are setting up, and the rest are still closed.

it's better early than late. looking around Tweeds, it felt like a slow-paced yet cozy community. hopping onto the bus, we had the day look of the areas which we've passed by over two days. the Currumbin distance gets shorter every trip, Surfers morning is a vast from night, and hitting the highway (or rather called motorway) was like a mix of Kesas traffic and Karak greens. Again, distance brochures are deceiving. that so-called distance of 1km between Wet n Wild Water World and Movie World is actually next door to each other!

Although the park opens at 10am onwards, visitors thronged in as early as 9.30am. almost all the shops and rides were waiting for opening time but souvenir shop had us browsing. Looney tunes characters gave the crowd an early start with visitors queuing up patiently to have a candid with their favourite characters. the park also has different sections such as the Looney Tunes for kids; the adults were Chinatown, Batman, Lethal Weapon, Wild Wild West, Scooby Doo, Stunt Drivers and Superman. Each section has their own eating kiosk and souvenir range. other smaller Warner Bro shops were Charlie & the Chocolate Factory (nothing but chocolates and sweet, though not all were Willie Wonka's), Harry Potter (kinda disappointing from my expectation).

we witnessed two shows - Stuntdriver Show, which the line started 30 minutes before showtime and went on a long line. the storyline was a movie making style of cops-and-robbers, with their 'new' guy Marty who get himself tangled in the scenes. driving stunts of drifting, tilt and zooming played around the small space. but Marty ended up as the hero, driving the hijacked car through buildings at the end with a bang... explosion, to be precise. Next was What's Up Rock by the Looney Tunes. two human hosts were locked up by Taz (played on big screen) and thus the Tunes took over hosting the show with dances and funny antics between them. to free the human hosts, do it the Wile E Coyote way - Acme TNT.

finishing the round of the entire park and getting closer to the Superman & Lethal Weapon rides, my stomach shrank drastically. im not afraid of heights, but speed, gravity and control. Evil, the higher adrenaline junkie, has been looking forward to the maniacal rides... but i just couldnt with her somewhat pressuring me endlessly . and she wont want to ride alone. so that's just it. anyhow, she'll probably have many other chances to go with the season pass and her flights. i mean, i dont even enjoy watching horror and scaring myself shit. why do i want to put myself in such conditions and quietly curse myself later.

After a quick lunch-in-hand (took so long just to get the Taz & Tweety kids tumbler, and souvenir cup), we trotted over to the waterpark. quite unlikely that we were able to sit in every tube rides, partly because of the que (perhaps quite moderate being on a Tuesday) but not all lanes were fully operational. a quick round on foot to snap pics and check out what we could go for, we then changed and started with the nearest. the fear factor took a reversal role. i had one non-tube ride and spent the rest on tube with Evil, who is hydrophobic. easily i could do the same to her for water speed rides, but let's dropped it. likely somewhere in her head she'll probably know how i felt earlier.

it was quite a workout before one gets the spills. imagine climbing up 7 flight of stairs with the tubes (unlike KL where we have to rent and tubes are all over, here is only rotational at the rides itself. so you dont need to lug it). so it's stamina plus cold wind for a quick freeze and rays to rise the temperature. Inland is much warmer compared to coastal, and the day could have reached 30 degrees Celsius. apart from water rides, there were also free-fall sky swings and U-roller coaster surfboard style. i dont need to explain more than that.

we finished off with a lazy river float and hopping in the wave pool. Evil found $3.00 and went hunting when a coin slipped. Retrieved, we set off to change and quickly headed to the bus stop. the return service is limited and being left behind would be the last thing that should not even happen! filled to the brim but very much still breathable and movable, there were a bunch of second generation asian kids chatting away. it felt funny to observe. manglish and singlish sounds fine for asians as it's been mixed with our own native culture and we still speak in dialects in the society. but for them to use in english with friends and only native language (which sounded weird from a Korean girl's phone call, probably to an elder) for an asian in an english-speaking country... it brings a certain weirdness.

spending our last night at Surfers, it was dinner with a splendid service (tipped the wave pool money since the place had no service or government tax). a few more souvenir shopping including a step into Hard Rock Cafe (what about penang and kl?), shop browsing, wine bottles and bidding adieu to the nightlife of Surfers. but up ahead, we faced the ultimate vacation challenge - packing to head home! souvenir cups, chips, wine, knick knacks, clothes... since when repacking has ever been easy?

Day Four, November 9 - Leaving Footprints
due to misunderstanding of having an airport transfer from our place, we skipped the service and gambled with the Robina Trail bus, the very same one that we took on Day 2. confirming the arrival time, our wake up is at 4.30am. sounded tough, but the sun could have tricked anyone for it to be at 7.00am in malaysia. for me to live in countries with such unusual sunrise times, im pretty i'd be totally disorientated. makes me wonder what are the sunlight hours in Japan is like....

time isnt something to play, as it has its most important role or we'd end up taking the next flight home, incurring more cost. after our early check out and pulling our luggage to the nearest bus stop, we had ample time to finish our bread and muffin and wait for the 5.30am bus. better early than late, right? a seagull nearby was hoping for a morsel from my muffin, but no way... just because i dont see a single stray on the road (cat-free too!), doesnt mean im going to start with the feathered creature. with our 3-day unlimited buss pass and airport transfer, we were worried if it may bring complications to take the public bus to the airport. lady luck shined above us as the bus driver took it as a normal transfer, seeing our luggage and all. of course, the worst case scenario would be walking to the airport. a possible thing actually, which would probably be a 30-40 minutes brisk walk.

the morning was still early at the airport, but slowly came bustling with life in 2 hours. heading into the departure hall... it was another amazement! so many eateries to cater for hungry passengers, and not only for those who are flying but also family and friends. normally as what we experienced, no one else can go beyond the security checks except for flying passengers. but here, anyone still can walk beyond after checking. so it looked like the departure hall is as crowded as outside. it was then evil explained that for a small airport (and perhaps a culture in the small community), most of the flights are domestic. international flights will still have to go through another check for LAGs, limiting to strictly flying passengers only before going into the departure lounge. but that doesnt beat the vending machine in the ladies' washroom that has almost everything in desperate need...!

And so my lovely vacation came to an end....

it'll be nice to visit another part of Aussie in the future. it still has so much culture and wonders to be explored, from its urban cities to its aboriginal roots, its wondrous winery and Blue Mountain.

yep, another trip to aussie in the future... perhaps in 2-3 year's time.

pics credited to venice and myself. and 'twas a relaxing leisurely holiday of a different side of the globe with Pig. and thanks for taking care of this jakun too!

Stepping Beyond

2011-11-05T09:45:00.000+08:00

It's TODAY!
to be precise, it's TONIGHT!

Finally, im outreaching to places which i'd never imagine i'd survive in a country with four seasons. Born, bred and vacationed as a tropical gal, it's beyond my imagination of withstanding anything lower than a typical rainy season here.

Even genting at its worst isnt my cuppa o' tea.

It's time to brave up, switch on the super jakun mode and leap off the cliff, diving into a new sense of experience.

Gold Coast, Australia... here i come!
and here we come, our Pigventure of endless sun, sea, sand, thrills and senses.

Evil Pig's more experienced than i am. she's probably gonna babysit this jakun pig, going wild on a jakun rampage and all out to the max the new few days.

I'm already dizzy with excitement....

Library Lessons

2011-10-30T00:11:00.000+08:00

When library is now more than just studying....

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The J Prologue

2011-10-28T11:35:00.000+08:00

this is absolutely not Japanese related.

I once pipped to a friend back in uni days that there were so many people whose name starts with a J, one way or another. and out of nowhere, a J was prefixed to my name.

he left me in silence over msn...... what??? noooooo.....

and as a build-up to the little adventure of J & E, one clearly qualifies as the Jakun Ching and the other as Evil Yng.

Jakun is my new J. i've never travelled anywhere beyond south east asia, putting me as a SEA traveller as i love the sea (forgive the pun). and it's always to my innate fear if i could ever withstand anything more than the local chilly rainy season here. or genting at its freezing nights.

and here i am, stepping out to the land down under next week.....

*please insert all the jakun amazements of oohs and aahs and waahs*

nothing is more believing than seeing things in real, with your own visual senses. even reading from websites and not realising that Gold Coast is more of a city than your Batu Ferringhi feel. or places with so many canals. or watching surfers for real (oooh.... hunkies!). and well, there's so much to see and behave akin to some pig who has never been out of the pen.

i cant imagine how jakun i'll be .... total sampat!

to be continued

In flames

2011-10-21T00:44:00.000+08:00

If...

at the end of each day, to write down all the things that irked me throughout the day...
and burn it away, letting the flames flick-off the negativity accumulated...

it'll be a private marshmellow roasting session instead....

Money spendings

2011-10-19T14:33:00.000+08:00

everyone can write. but not all can copywrite.
and blogging has nothing to do with it.

it's indeed a skill to create something out of the blue. and since i cant do that, i shall not opt that anymore.

and i miss the little spending, even if it's a tiny treat.

yep... i miss spending and splurging. the money power.

Bite Patience

2011-10-13T12:03:00.000+08:00

while the nanny goes for a week-long vacation....

this little tyke will be taken care by grandma.

as jill puts it that ive got face problem, Tyger has reached to the point where she recognises people - only nanny, dad and mum. the everyday faces. not grandma, not kor kor.

touchy. it must go through a process of recognition, safety and assurance. and once that process receives passing marks (otherwise she'll start her everlasting cries for an hour or so, gets tired and falls asleep), it's the dont leave me out of sight (not even a short walk to the kitchen or elsewhere) or she'll be all whiny.

short whines, i can bear. everlasting, i cant.

and until i've received word on my job, it's the mighty princess i'll have to bear.

for now, princess is amused with just about anything in the house.

si kaypo...

Shoddy 6.30

2011-10-13T00:58:00.000+08:00

coming to five months away from the rat race, mentality on work process is no different. it hasnt slacked. you's think people would be degraded and be all sloppy with slower brain response.

sadly, the uglier areas never flowered to a beautiful bloom. or at least sprout some greens.

the bloody perfectionist never ceased to be a gentler being. still full of self-condemns. life is short, thus life shouldnt be taken all seriously. i dont think i'll ever understand the latter. or could i say, life isnt worth putting all the effort in it...?

an unjustifiable that exist, which has been cruel - when you put so much effort, it all ends up a total waste of time. not worth of the time and effort grilled into it. at the end of the day, it will somehow goes all awry. doesnt turn out how it should have (ideally) been. it goes all wrong. a semi-disaster. none of the planned worked, and having to hatch another right on the spot.

fail to plan, is a plan to fail.
unfortunately, the jinx lives in me. whatever i plan, it leads to a form of failure. the realism of idealism. idealistically realistic. whole load of bummer it always ends. not 90%, not 75%, not 50%. a good useless 25% which is better off delivering a whole load of crap and not giving it third thoughts to it.

if it ever rains, it's only two kinds - the relief that the horrible nightmare is over and to never remember it again, nor acknowledge the horrible moments of it; the ultimate self-disappointed that beats the soul up inside.

beating self up.
if that is ever a skill, that number one spot will be mine.

it's not even doing things half-past six. if that ever happens, it's an indication that i dont quite give it a shit anymore and to hell with. given a choice, opting out will make everyone's life happier. okay, my life.

the markings of self-expectation will never go lower. let alone at the ankle level, yet it feels like it's placed above my head. such an irony... low expectation, yet expecting things to turn out as planned. sheer nonsense, isnt it?

when we try to give our 110%, and wading in mud at 75%, it's really a chore. doesnt gets any better when it's been beaten down. fishes on confidence. a waning confidence isnt going to get anyone anywhere. not even a goreng or a hit-and-run. it's purely jack and jill went down the hill.

mix that with a bowlful of uncertainty, a decent cookie base for a good beat-up.

the feeling that i hate, full of uncertainty and unable to give the best and yet forcing myself to do it. the final product - crap shit.

might as well dont do it at all. it isnt a choice at time. and the one who feels totally shitty after all that, is me.

life is really not worth of anything struggling that hard after all...

self-confidence is such a complexity that cant never be untangled even beyond life.

half-past six is rubbish.
gazillion opinions when time is of the essence is a blind date.
calling the shots is a gamble when hierarchy exist.
saying no has no meaning.

why do i even bother at all...

Food begone

2011-10-09T19:38:00.000+08:00

My last bite of the yummilicious seafood porridge in PJ state was in august. and to my sadness, it was missing when i was there with Jill and J after gym today. and after some online checks, Hoongkee has called it a day.

they even have an fb page for it. Long live Hoongkee. your delicious porridge with generous seafood of fish, fish paste, lala, fresh sweet prawns, scallops, sprinkles of ginger and spring onion, always makes my day after a good workout at gym. even under the hot weather or still perspiring from gym, it's really a hearty meal.

im gonna miss the porridge. *sniff*

Westlife Gravity Tour

2011-10-08T22:15:00.001+08:00

Evil i have been, not giving any compassion and TLC to the poor throat of mine. in fact, it hasnt fully recovered 100% since it has been infected mid October. thus with such bad condition, recording days hadnt been pleasant, further infection escalated to coughs and swollen nodes. then came homeopathy medication to the rescue. when the high C is reachable although the swelling was still present... i just had to make it worse again.

yep, true enough. people like me just cant take care of myself properly.

when ntv7 started broadcasting in 1998, one of the few programmes which i would devotedly sit in front of the idiot box to watch was the mtv slot. although some of the songs were repeatedly shown to the point that i could remember the lyrics, but that's how westlife captivated me. the most prominent memory - green backdrop from Swear It Again, followed by If I Let You Go and the powered Flying Without Wings.

thus, a westlife fan is created. and from all the singles released and played on air, both TV and radio, it was worth getting the entire album. pocketsize was still an issue that i could only afford getting good ol cassettes for the first two albums. not a choice since CD player or hi-fi stereo never existed in the house until much later. then 2 CDs were added when i had my own player. of course, im just at the listener level. it never made sense to be upgraded another level of full-fledge poster hunter or info hunting, and declaring myself mrs whatever. okay, so im struck with Mark's deep eyes.

maybe it's also something being an Irish like Boyzone, sharing the same manager. and they werent as teeny bopper as BSB's Nick Carter. simple. mellow. pleasant to listen. at least it's one of the few groups mum hadnt complain about me overplaying the tracks to death. and a few songs that tied me down emotionally.

all form of concerts, regardless of who, is something beyond my reach - pocket and distance. eventually along the many years after their first Greates Hits album..., westlife mania has died down. Bryan left the group. and local radio stations werent playing any of their songs anymore. and while i follow quite a lot on radio, it felt like westlife coverage locally here has toned down to almost nothing, except once in a while when a single or two is played back. not to mention access to radio was pretty limited in uni, and thus, leaving the last eight albums out of the scene. that's pretty a LOT which i wasnt aware of until recently. frankly speaking, im not so crazy about their cover versions, or having them to do cover versions, especially the newer released ones. it isnt much of injecting their touch into the songs, but sounds pretty much a copy with their voices in it.

but that doesnt stop me from remembering and appreciating other songs.

being an adult does have its own perks. in many means from financially to responsibility and level of independence. somewhat when your able to, you can do it with less worries.

you'd think i'd miss out their second concert in malaysia this time? of course not.

going to a concert also calls for moderation. i dont need platinum ticket seats, to be able to view their face without depending on the big screen. but neither do i want to be too far behind. more importantly, if i cant find anyone to go with, im duly fine going on my own. but i managed to find a kaki to go together - yongwei.

I've only been to Putra Stadium twice, with the first during the Asian X-Games 2006 *goes all awe watching Yasutoko brothers in action*

upon seeing the crowd, with mostly in sight college and highschool kids, it is a wonder how these bunch of loony people (said so as there were highschool bunch behind our seats) would be that much into westlife. if my calculation is correct, they'd be in early primary. alright, maybe they hardly know much about the earlier albums but followed the latter ones. poor creatures. apart from the loony bunch, the sight of parents of 40-50s were present. and adults of late 20s-early 30s whom i spotted some attending the concert alone.

and so, we all screamed in excitement together. and the highschool bunch behind should at least be aware - scream with pride, not like some creature that sounded akin to a broken recorder. there's this thing called pleasant screaming, not a gargled version.

if you want extra attention for marriage proposal, this is one of an attention-seeking way. of course, all pre-arranged with the organisers. but it really leaves me wondering (together with those extravagant style via billboards or whatnot... the kind that an entire population would have known), while its pretty much a yes to the proposal, it'll be really a damage to say no in front of the many gazillion people who knows about it. and also a form of pressure that the girl has to agree, in order not to lose the partner's face (if she were to reject and be cited cruella de vil for life).

anyway, a good range of songs were belted out. the popular ones from the earlier albums, together with the recent newer ones. totally felt nostalgic and 'twas a highschool dream come true. but what i found equally enjoyable was the cover version medley of pop songs. it kept the crowd wild. the concert was full of energy, endless frenzy screaming and excited clappings, handwave, handphone wave to You Raise Me Up made little twinkling lights in the stadium.

dont expect any concert pictures. my phone isnt suitable for that lighting condition and my location was too far to zoom clearly.

truly enjoyed the performance. it left my throat back to square one and swollen nodes again. and a bruised finger from all the clapping. kinda whacked too hard on my ring, leaving the poor fingerbone swollen. for westlife, i can live with it.

Shane. Mark. Kian. Nicky. (Bryan). Westlife.

Dental Bites

2011-10-07T16:22:00.001+08:00

please blame the media.

tv influence on portraying wrong images is heavy. one of the many would be patients in horror, sitting on a dental chair, with fear facing the dental doctors who are covered with facemask and armed with drills and syringe. *insert howling scream behind closed doors*

but as far as i know, it has never been like that. just once.

being old, i'm currently inspired to elaborate my dental days as it's been too long i've been for such appointments. and i must insist that if you're in the dental line, dont laugh.

Jalan Sepoy Lines. there will only be few particular groups of people who knows that road: those who study near that area; those who frequented that area for sports - from sports club members to rugby matches at the polo field; children who visits the dentist.

i fall into the third category of the many children on the island who are given free services to receive dental treatment at the government dental school. somehow as far as im aware (besides my brother), no one else i know from school goes there. of course, the thing is that if you dont turn up after three postal reminders, you're dropped out from the list. perhaps that's what become of the possibilities of my friends, and my brother eventually.

some dental facts during kindergarten until school days:

1. it's usually on a saturday morning from 9-11am. and occasionally treatment reaches 3 hours. and if it falls on a schooling day, i'd be really sad, having to skip classes.

2. the moment i start a treatment, i'd be visiting it every week or two. and it goes on until 2-3 months.

3. although it should have been 6 months later, somehow i end up receiving appointment cards earlier than that, probably 4 months later. i was finally on normal schedule in late primary.

seriously, i dont know anyone else visiting the dental school more than i do. it was never a scary visit but always an enjoyable and looked forward to visits. it's like visiting the kakak who does the treatment. they dont usually change trainee on every visits, but maintaining the same trainee to work on the case until it's completed. and when it's the next case treatment, it can be the same trainee or a new one.

the other fun part is getting dental toys. and i dont mean receiving dentures to play with. it's just simple toys, using dental cottons and shaped into various things. it can be fishes, teddies, birds, clowns... just about anything creative, hanging in a line from the light bar. i used to collect plenty of those after every visits, in a chocolate tin. collection stops when i was much older in late primary, and only to give them up when i started secondary.

everything comes in pairs. so there are also irks of dental treatments.

whenever a filling is done and the lecturers, donned in dark green, walks over for checking... it's never a pleasant experience. perhaps all trainees try their best to be gentle to their patients. it's just them who are more daring, being more experienced, will treat without caring much. they probe harder, tilt your head like a toy, handle your teeth roughly (with extra drilling or whatnots). "kak, kenapa dia kasar sangat?" on days when i dared to ask. or give kakak the wide-eyed horrid look after the lecturer left the chair.

then comes explaining to your classmates or just about any peers. while we all know from all toothpaste-toothbrush ads that teeth are supposed to be sparkly white, it can be a bruise to the esteem when they go "yerrr, why your teeth all black black one?". as said earlier, im probably the only one who goes for regular appointments (for having such a devoted mum to drive and patiently wait each time) and i'm probably the only one with such 'atrocious' teeth. the number of fillings in my teeth is at least ten, affecting the canines and molars. "i got holes in my teeth" would be the first reply. and why it is black (grey actually), "how i know?". really, like i was going to ask my kakak and as if her reply will make any sense at that age. friends made fun of me, cousins made fun of me, adults occasionally made fun of me... yours truly wasnt a very happy smiley kid. the only consolation to pacify my bruised ego, was that im better than those with gaping holes in their teeth! and when fillings became loose and came off, its like biting sand.

the third - tooth extraction. i chipped one of my milk molars just because of a measly toothpick, causing my first tooth extraction in school on a fine saturday morning (the one and only milk). i still dont quite understand how was it possible, unless my tooth was that spongey soft (?). but it was dangerous to leave it unattended as it was sharp. the atmosphere in the school clinic wasnt fun as it's located behind the school hall stage, next to the music room and bengkel. the local anesthesia via injection (the sight of the injection alone was enough to make any kid cry), then the immediate howl went on. with the humongous pliers shoved into the tiny mouth, the healthy-but-chipped tooth was forcefully pulled out from the gums. that was just too much for a 7-year old kid. cried and howl like there's no tomorrow. the sensation of the pliers in the mouth. and even it's supposed to numb the gums, you still can feel the tooth removed plus the sound of it. and like the pacifies of ice-cream after this will help? i hated going to that room after that. and im glad i never had to stay there long during school check-ups as i was better cared elsewhere!

eventually in late primary - i was assigned as a major case study. i was still seeing kakak as usual. perhaps she's been working on my dental care for so long that i became quite attached to her, probably for a year or so. perhaps it was no surprise. that ONE nightmare extraction itself, leaving a gap in my gums for an entire three years, in between the transition of milk teeth and permanent teeth says it all. for many years, aged 9 onwards... ive stopped flashing any toothy smile. the upper teeth could fairly well any vampire away, with the canines sticking out. the incisors were overlapping, one angled at 90 degrees and one sunken inwards. the bottom ones were still okay but bad shuffling and protruding. with all my pictures, you'll hardly see any with a wide smile. another image sensitivity that lasted for 7 years.

frankly i dont know what am i studied for that case study. all i recalled was having to skip school, sit in that dental chair for what it seems an eternal punishment together with kakak. finally, all i has was adults crowding around me and probing here and there, with a lot of talk and explanation among themselves. and that's it! soon after that, she was no longer assigned to me and was kind enough to give a parting present - a photo of herself, with her postal address behind (it was then i realised she's from east malaysia, and im still keeping it) with some gifts in the box. the nicest memory i had after all the many years there. the only thing i regret was not asking for my dental records, so i could laugh at the thickness of it, many years down the road.

my attendance during secondary was a dropout due to saturday school activities. dental check ups were hardly done, and my esteem was still a bummer. not helpful, being a teen. until one fine day when one of our temple member's mum advised my own dear mother to go for orthodontic treatment. whilst aunty is a nurse at the government dental clinic, it was no harm trying to see what can be done. after all, it's not a cheap procedure. it was also a discovery, that having that appointment in form 3, i was already in the waiting list since standard six! such wonders, after three years and still waiting... any how, i resubmitted the application and waited until the durian beared fruits faster than ever.

when they say peer influence is the strongest, believe them.

the number of girls in the class of 35-odd, about half the class were on braces. and this is not even including the entire form of 6 classes. and mostly were done privately at the same clinic (macam Penang has no ortho specialist but Dr Looi is the most famous), unless your parents are government servants and you'll be faster in the stupid waiting list. probably the smartest choice ever made, convincing my parents to fork out a rm3k orthodontic treatment in form 4. three years i've been on the government list, and how long more do i have to wait to get it done?

the price to pay for that rm3k - 3 years of braces, extraction of four small molars (2 in a week on each side), finding out a weird bone from the nose to incisors, procedure of leaving the mouth open (aided with a contraption) for 2 hours to fit the brackets, using 2 special toothbrushes, monthly appointments that leaves you only porridge to eat for a week. braces is a topic in school. when's your next appointment, what colour bands to change, rubberbands to hook (not everyone had that), ulcers and it's like a 'privilege' that only those with braces will understand the triumphs and agony. sad to say, technology and pocket means wasnt a norm, otherwise we would have camwhored every month in different colours.

the braces removal in lower six also means the last proper dental check-up i've ever had. not to mention the government finally called for the first braces appointment! HAH! anyway it's then been a good decade of occasional gum bleeding, swollen gums, painful brushing, sensitivity... that all comes and go.

it IS a good thing to have friends pursuing dentistry. this i've gotta give credit to cheesetal :)

alright, as i've always believed when conditions are right, things will fall into place.

a friend who is in dental training. need guinea pigs. and there's a free pig. and whilst im not so confident of going to any dental clinics in this part of land i dont grow up in, i'm absolutely cool having training students to do my treatment. and it's better than battling all the way to UMMC (parking plus government nightmares). and there i was, having cheesetal to do a simple check-up, scaling, polishing and recommended further treatments to my teeth that required fillings and further consideration for the wisdom teeth.

i couldnt resist a laugh, hearing statements of 1-4/4 tooth as missing during charting. and the term 'sound' is as clear as fine healthy tooth. and having a second dental x-ray done, sideways this time... it just gives the feeling of wanting to be ignorant. while we can never see our teeth structure, it may be preferable not wanting to know the real deal. it didnt help when i had a frontal done during my follow-up treatment. the refusal-to-imagine is now imaginable. and thus explains why my lower teeth are running off position, no thanks to the wisdom tooth (without a slight wisdom to grow aligned) growing sideways *shudder* and causing an impact.

after 2 dental treatments at IMU, the too-clean feeling of my incisors done by tal is something im not used still. i wish gums can grow. still trying not to brush too hard, causing further receding and abrasion on the gums. my 3/5 and 4/5 are so much better with less sensitivity, done by Year 3 trainee Joyce. she also patched up the small cavity on the upper wisdom teeth. and after consultation with the lecturer on my wisdom tooth, Joyce gleefully proclaimed "i want to to pull!". never mind her eagerness to pull the left sides, and Year 4 students to tackle the right side as it requires surgical *shudder* procedures. back to the waiting list... which i'll leave it to see what comes out of it.

So that's next - wisdom teeth. and to keep it as clean as possible, not to cause any further cavities until it's removed. i'd really really really want my permanent to last as long as possible. gentler brushing techniques. brushing 45 degree is easier said than done, same goes for having bristles to clean under the gums. flossing. mouth rinse. what else?

how come they dont invent dental teeth model with silicon-like gums, so people can tell if one is brushing too hard against the 'gums', instead of having it all in plastic?

Overlasting impression

2011-10-03T13:15:00.000+08:00

"everlasting". Used on a positive tone. something to be remembered and cherished.

"overlasting". Used when a certain situation of a past, which may be good or bad, is no longer applicable in the present. but it's still stuck somewhat forever...?

while everyone of us are glued with a certain impression that we are remembered of, those from school and tuition will never let go the my sport days.

100m and 10km isnt the same. the use of energy isnt the same. one calls for energy burst for that short few seconds. and one is endurance tahan lasak

while im still working on my endurance step-by-step, and improving here and there (together with the challenges of my laziness), it's a whole different story and mechanism of sprinting.

never mind the same discipline. just about any other sports - be it classes in gym like body combat, or any other sports.... in their minds, im supposed to be able to play all sorts and live young forever. i dont remember concocting an elixir that keeps me young and vibrant of the age of 17.

that's a scary thought. i'm not permitted to age physically in their minds...?

i have to admit andrea's reaction (together with sooch and terri) - oh my god, you're still so skinny!
it sounded as if after 10 years, i've never put on a single kilogramme at all.

i dont know whether to laugh or look at her quizzically.

maybe one fine day when i'm a roly poly and moved on to eating competition, overlasting impression will take a new look.

that'll NEVER happen for sure.

i am working to improve my time for 10km, and perhaps small start 21km by mid next year or so... i still do get muscle strains and fatigue on the road. perhaps less of it preferably. who knows by the time i reach 30, i can dabble on a full 42km with walks in-between!

There and then

2011-10-03T12:34:00.000+08:00

Everything happens for a reason.

be it if the condition is right. be it if the surrounding permits it. be it if it is in the technology boom. be it if the past was just so much simpler. be it that we're all at different ages. be it if the environment around us differs.

be it if we share many similarities, but life for us all in every nitty way, is actually different.

we are all different.
stop comparing. life revolves in different circumstances.

what may seem unlikely in the past would have been possible in the future.
what may seem better back then, may be lost in the future.
what may seem years before and after, plays differently at its own present.

present of the past. present of the present. present of the future.
there and then. that very moment.

it would have been different yesterday. and will change tomorrow.

Adidas is King

2011-10-02T20:06:00.001+08:00

this is officially the first back-to-back runs over the weekend. and it's bearable, not as straining as i thought it'll be onto the body. perhaps because it's both 10km.

I've conquered Adidas's KOTR. maybe it would be a new challenge to try in-between 10km and 21km, to go for 16km. but i felt im likely not to prepared by then, during registration. and to work on getting accustomed to the distance, and improve the time throughout 2011.

Siemens Run achieved a good time of 1:13, a little unexpected. and thus if i can do at 13, it is possible to do KOTR at 1:10. that was my target for this race.

Whilst most friends i know tackled 16.8km, with some not having a choice due to late registration and spaces for the shorter distance was closed once the quota was reached.

there's just something fun about running for these races. the roads, which are busy on just every other day, is closed specially for you (and everyone else who is running). it sort of gives you that king-like feeling!

The route is considered easy, with the only low slopes are from the road bridges, and relatively even all the way. level of toughness should be at 3. and what makes it more fun is having friends who joined the race together and catching up with old friends.

albeit much of a solo sport, rather than a team sport, this is based on your own capability, ability and doing it on your own record and achievement. and no one to blame if anything goes wrong! only yourself...

pace was a little inconsistent again, mostly on a slower side. but managed to reduce the walking to slow jogs. and the final push at the last 200m. the outcome, unofficially at 1:10 which i'm glad, but there's lot to be left unsaid when the official B-tag timing is released.

so here's the fun part - after the race. catching up with friends...

the 10km runners - Ann Ric, Yongwei and myself. more like the elderly runners who, well, dont want to end up killing themselves running 16.8km

it was pretty exciting to meet up with Sooch as we've not met up since our tuition days. and totally unexpected was my school juniors, Terri and Andrea! practically screaming in delight when i saw the three of them. thus penang felt so warm with them around.

Apart from Minghuiy and Joe once again, smarty pants Mr Yau decided to run with his basketball shoes for his first race.

Of course, how is it possible to walk across a normally-busy highway, let alone to stand in the middle of NPE... or do crazier silly things like a plank? alright, im totally new to planking and this is my first one. realised i had it wrong after that as the arms are supposed to be at the side of the body. While Jill calls it 'roadkill', venice gave it a new term of 'plonking'! must admit plonking sounds better as it's just exactly of how one will plonk on the bed with arms outstretched.

Plonking on Penang Bridge for 10km isnt any fun. it's still too far from the midspan. wasted.

satisfied? definitely. possible to reduce the time for PBIM? work for it.

Results update.
Ranking by category: 88
Gun time: 1:10:20.01
Chip time: 1:09:00.05

i shall do BETTER for PBIM!

Angst

2011-09-29T22:51:00.000+08:00

translated into energy

the one that isnt perfected

Revisited

2011-09-29T19:30:00.000+08:00

When you're suddenly taken back, or the history just pops a surprise. both ways, it's both a blessing and a chill down the spine.

Prime Times
Experience is always the best teacher. getting involved, the good and the bad, will only wake us up. through experience, with our senses, an impact on life, the ones understood and felt... even listening or reading will get us nowhere.

Having a reference (as how he puts is) to reflect back, as the person we were once at our peak, is always a fond memory to reflect back. of course, as time ticks, many other things evolve and change alongside with it. each and everyone of us, would have at least reached a certain level of something when it is the prime time. be it sports, ability, studies, skills, just about anything. and as we age, those reflection of the past is something that we know deep inside, we can do and have done it before.

i really have to persuade him to let me see his high school pictures. we all were lean and fit people back then. but i certainly dont recall him flexing his muscles and his once-upon-a-time 6-packs from his prime taekwando years. in awe, i was, as he spoke of his fitter days.

that kind of prime time, is what we know we could do then. we still can do it now, but not at an equal level as the body does age together with other growing priorities in life. of course, health concerns and being active was our topic to kill on friday evening.

we know people who are of worse case. the kind where only when casualty befalls them, and only they'll live in woe. and who suffers from that outcome? words spoken had been left unheard. us, being the outsiders, are not heeded. thus, you just have to leave to some form of intervention to give a hard smack on the face.

my own reference is something i can never obtain that prime in this age. hence the change of direction and to gradually achieve and perhaps reach a prime for it. and so you see, the track of runs participated. i'd love to have a separate section as the list goes longer on the blog. but i've no idea how to use the tab system in blogger yet.

the second reference, probably a bad recommendation - but it does irk me every now and then to acknowledge fat/muscles at leaner areas. for 20 odd years being that skinny little frame, and as a package with age, i supposed it cant be helped with the slow-down of metabolic rate. or that change of lifestyle. and leave it to vanity, to work out those areas in the name of flaunts. challenging discipline. a serious joke.

Pain Game
i'd blame the hormones for the absolute glums. the ones to shut off the planet from all means. to curse everything in sight. and better off shutting out from all creatures.

whole 6 hours on the couch into nothingness. just like it was back then.

and when that stab is too much to bear, take the pain out to snap out from the glums. and that's the end of my sugaring 2.0.

Kosong, The Ultimate
this showed up unexpected.

the world just stops for a moment. and the cold chill goes down with the flashes that you'd prefer to forget. that very same feeling that started the chain of chaos.

perhaps it's best to remain less-than-thoughts. to be occupied by daily gripes and the norm of routine. but while i still wait, leave it to fiction to take the mind off what is out there.

Siemens Run

2011-09-25T16:21:00.002+08:00

it's been quite a long pig break since SCKLM's race in end june. and that is a good 3 months of no runs participated.

energy level. stamina. pain tolerance. and sheer laziness.

as usual, nothing much is done compared to the days of paying a PT that forces you three times a week to train all at one's might. and the one who cant seem to get the lazy arse to the gym alone itself, is a bigger challenge.

only a miracle occurred once 2 weeks ago. the compelling need to just... run. but in exchange, I rather enjoy my high-powered shower at home if it's going to be at ioi mall.

and that morning jog at Botanical Gardens when i was back home last week. surprise surprise, i actually woke up for it. 2 days in a row. it must be somewhat uncountable lost-in-time since i even last walk in that place. too long, it has been that the changes are somewhat unrecognisable with the relocation of shops to make way for larger parking area, and a new garden outside the Gardens.

it doesnt help much not being in perfect shape of health.

the sore throat that started in penang, escalated to cough and somewhat nasal congestion. combine the latter two, it makes breathing a complication. not to mention that time of the month at the peak of it. just when timing gets all down on you. and the second doubts of going.

start-off wasnt a good one. unable to get the momentum of pace and breathing. inhale too hard, and it tires you unnecessary (and the air in the tummy). anyhow, it took a while to finally get a proper pace and breathing and sparing walks in-between.

with such performance, i was pretty sure my timing would be slightly off than my usual of 1 hour 20 minutes. slow pace, walking, and having so many people overtaking is surely not a good sign. the only boost i had was at the last 500m when there various drum performances were alongside of the road. the sudden unknown energy boosted. it ended when the drumline ended.

As Siemens wasnt in my initial run on the original date of July 10, it was postponed due to Bersih rally. and thus i was able to sign up. not many peeps i know took part as it's not a full race. Yet, i guess it was a surprise to meet Joe Soon at the finishing line. more like he spotted me, as my brains just shut down after crossing the finishing line. Been truly too long since tuition days and Aiesec conferences.

and here's the real surprise...

i still managed a medal! must be the last 10 as there wasnt that many left on the table...

and all i need is a good long shower.

Update:
Ranking: 179 over 543 in Women Open category (see, told you I'm like the last few medals available of 200)
Gun Time: 1:15:28
Chip Time: 1:13:12

IMPROVEMENT!!!!! what a surprise!

Next, Adidas King of The Road. now that is one race a number of peeps will be there!

Speedy Throat Cure

2011-09-22T11:46:00.000+08:00

Once upon a painful throat time, Bactidol was given as a prescription.

and at one time, Listerine is the only available one at the pharmacy. and it's my new miracle wonder. and it works better and faster than antibiotic!

the power of antiseptic. never mind the bacteria or grimy plaque as there's still toothpaste and dental floss.

guaranteed. seriously. hasnt fail me before.

A Neighbourhood Lantern Joy

2011-09-12T23:57:00.012+08:00

Ever since i've got to know that subang jaya is an interesting neighbourhood, especially ss14 as so many friends live within in the same area... i've to admit i've always been a little jealous.

green lane can be a pretty boring neighbourhood. i dont have that many friends who lived that nearby although i know quite a number of those from school who live in the area. there isnt anything that have us all together with different ages. alright, there's isnt much one can do as a kid except cycling around, and when you're the fairer gender. a gazillion limitations imposed.

everything i wished for a neighbourhood fun, be it green lane kids getting together at the playground. or finding each other to go across the main road to get sweets or drinks. or even play during festivities like chinese new year fireworks or mooncake lantern night. the kind of thing a typical fun neighbourhood growing up experience would be.

so im way far beyond that age now. but i finally had a teeny weensy fair share of the neighbourhood feel.

Age really doesnt matter... or at least for now. i suppose i wont be walking around with friends, lanterns in everyone's hands when im beyond 30. or maybe 35 when the other younger ones are a little older by then and probably wont be interested in such thing anymore.

it's always more fun to do crazy things with an equally gung-ho company.

mainly to celebrate lummie's birthday, it was also mooncake festival. the usual of getting a few of us who are available to surprise (which happens too often to almost everyone that it's not really a surprise anymore. so it's left of the question - who shows up.). and frankly speaking, it IS a night that allows us to do something crazy together... and of we went with lanterns and candles around a small part of ss14.

while we attempted to pop over at everyone we know living in the neighbourhood itself, it would have been quite a walk. i guess it's also Rif's new experience as indonesians dont really celebrate in that manner. with the company of Dan, Phin, Von and Hao also, our entourage started of with the nearest on the left - jin's.

the attempt to just take photo and cabut!

another randomness, while it's lum's birthday, we warbled the birthday song horrendously (on top of some other kids playing opposite, with attempts to send someone to hospital by holding the firework flare in the hands and pointing to their own peers) at some godly 10.45pm. thinking the weird song was from the opposite group, it somewhat took him a while to realise it was the insanity of his own kalyana mitras popping over to bring the festive mood. as part of randomness, a house photo was also taken... and we trotted on to Phin's place.

we werent exactly that quiet. talking loudly, laughing away with the usual silliness and being regarded as the peronda malam, dogs were barking at us whenever possible. Phin lamented Cherry and Peanut didnt recognise her as her dogs were incessantly barking away... and woke aunty May up *oops*.

Rongfeng was in the list. hesitation lingered if he may be elsewhere, so our next victim was someone i dont know. it was a "we were here" picture moment and we headed back to our HQ as it was past eleven. still being noisy and adding candles, police on patrol greeted us with a friendly honk of their motorbikes.

ending the night, Rif lent his fair share as an indonesian creating more haze with burning a few lanterns. and lum's watch present went going around everyone's wrist to see if they're the square or round type. and the case of taking turns to wear it!

burn, baby burn... where's the green flame?

yes, i am a happy kid now. having to do something neighbourhoodly (even i dont reside in 14 but it doesnt really matter) and some simple random fun. the feeling of satisfaction and glowing joy is so warm.

I'm now a little less jealous of the ss14 peeps after tonight.

Closing thoughts

2011-09-10T00:58:00.000+08:00

Alas, an irking day it was.

We generally spoil people too much. time is NOT an excuse.

prepare breakfast? one bun is not sufficient for an energy driven morning. that is NOT breakfast. that's just a filler that you'll faint after an hour of so in the middle of the game. and who on earth depends on other people to prepare the morning carbs-protein , especially if it's not a games village. and just because you're likely to wake up just before 6 in the morning.

get real. if any organisers were to prepare a full breakfast for every marathoners, the competition will never start. and first race starts at 4.00am. that's your own responsibility as a sportsman to fuel up your energy needs. and you can whack whatever is provided after that.

seriously. dont be a disgrace to sports people.

Last-minutes will never change. because it's what we all take for granted.

why do we take trivial things for granted. and convey it so late that it forces people to sacrifice something, just to complete it. not to mention change of plans.

wished they'd told us way before hand. 100 lanterns isnt a problem. but which kid want to play with lanterns the size of an adults hand? puny thing. last-minute and all you get is crap out of it. and whilst being the only one who is the free-est of them all... and puny lanterns.

doing things half past six. and shoddy work is the result. and half-heartedly.

and im unable to focus on my proposal sketches today. distractions. and doesnt get any better over the weekends.

Ask right. hit the bull's eye at the first shot.

it's not a needle in the haystack. and even a snap of asking the right questions will take you miles in speed. wrong ones will just land you on a fire.

putting it correctly is also a matter. not just simply asking who and what. it's no different from work. ask wrong things and you'll get nowhere but bullets.

on another matters, also dont ask in a form of a suggestion if you havent done your homework. and more importantly, if it's something you dont intend to offer your services (in case no one is available to do it), best you keep that to yourself.

CYA. cover your ass.

The jinx is just lurking. waiting to prove itself right again

expect the worse. there's never a time where everything has every gone smoothly under these hands.

then again, expectations is a ragdoll...

Sweet Pain

2011-09-07T01:53:00.001+08:00

Vanity takes its place on the 3rd seat...

Girls, DM if you want to know.

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End of Quarter Three

2011-09-06T19:33:00.000+08:00

Don't count your chickens before they hatch.

Anything can happen until than. until there is the definite answer, dont expect anything out of it. and that means i've to still continue spamming potential people who will give me a form of gratitude (by contract and law, actually) in cash after 30 days of contribution.

Until then, I've loads to read and test my puny brain to analyse a case study which is out of my context and utmost poor ability to beautify a presentation. im not good at impressing people to blow them off their socks. just have to get something done one way or another before the holidays.

the one week break was a pain, physically and emotionally. I'll drop the emotional one as it's something i cant detest. im leaving as it is. on the other hand, it's been a long while i kick up a good workout 3 times for the week, and venturing Platinum centres. I'll stick to the regulars as forking out extra bucks isnt much of my fancy do.

Anyhow, Siemens is up this month. whilst i may last better compared to the last run, the nutrition intake too must suffice... which that category itself is a all-gone-wrong all these years, and lately intensified to a notch up 3 months ago. powerbar and bananas and eggs and plenty of water steps in on the final round.

the notes are back in action. intimidation is the biggest fear. but if it's a fact that cant be replaced. you know what you can and what you cant do. and you know where you totally suck at. but it still goes on, and you leave it to the engineer expert to work his magic charm and cover the flaws.

and i dont care what the newspaper reported about foregoing the fanciness, but beautiful mooncake box is a must for me. and so is a busy weekend that crops this week.

not like i have anything to say for a September start actually...

Reaction Stickler

2011-08-30T13:47:00.000+08:00

There's this equation where we all should really avoid if necessary at all cost.

2K (s) + 2H₂O (l) --> 2KOH (aq) + H₂ (g)

following recent days and ongoings... it just reminds me of how we should just not jump to everything, agree to everything. think for SELF first. least i want is to put up a face. for whose sake?

Thus, we dont have to react to everything spontaneously... just like how potassium metal reacts instantly to water. give a moment to think, and what is bound to ensue from it. having said that, we'll leave out the suggestive manner as i dont want to be tied by it.

Tied?
or rather just like the piece of fasteners that binds. in this case...velcro cam into mind.

i still have my own things i want to do... albeit much simpler and less hassle as we're on our own accord. my days of a stickler has waned. whilst i try to keep up... and see it in a positive way, it doesnt always have to make sense. im already confused, thank you.

flying thoughts? perhaps so. the more thoughts are divulge (not necessary truth discovered)... why again?

ignorance at the right time, is bliss.

for who?

Long Holiday Week A-Coming.

2011-08-27T19:26:00.000+08:00

Behold the long holiday week. It's that time of the year to play badminton on KL roads. and for once, LDP is toll-free on Merdeka Day! random will be to drive the entire stretch of it from Cyber all the way down to Kepong and back ...

and the folks are arriving in 2 hours' time.

bedsheets changed, checked. house floor, cleaned two days ago...checked. major grocery shopping list, checked.

taking advantage of dad's card to replenish the cleaning tools, the almost-empty kitchen cabinet, bare fridge... it's been a miserable depleting 1.5 weeks of nonsense food. and i mean n-o-n-s-e-n-s-e.

and yes, there goes my personal space shrunk to the size of my bedroom. be an alternate driver. and whatever else i have to do.

it's going to be so weird having them around for tomorrow's PAD. while it's never too old to appreciate parents, but it's just too long since they've seen me up on stage.

hormones are going a little haywire a little. it's just that time of the month. thankfully chocs are in place. unfortunately, thoughts cant be soothe with chocolates. been a little depressing lately. ignorance is still bliss. even the kite, left ignored so long, has changed faded being under the sun. perhaps it should be changed with a new one. but is it worth doing so...?

i need my chocolates...

Black, White, Grey

2011-08-25T23:11:00.055+08:00

it's been so long (3 months precisely) since i've put myself in a professional front. and being all that serious-lesser-nonsense side. to a certain extent, it leaves an unrest.

we put up with life, an average of 40 toiling at work. for income. for needs, for wants, for luxury.

while we tend to be different, with the bitchy-no-nonsense workaholic, with the laidback self-centered unknown being behind closed doors, with the bubbly zany light-footed soul. and any other "with"s that can be added to the list.

how vast, can a person be different in the day and by nightfall?
for a moment there was this person, so unrecognised, so far, so distanced.

harsh it gets, just one foot out there. just one.

sync. get lost. mask on.

An East Coast Night

2011-08-23T13:26:00.000+08:00

The closest i have ever experienced on moving countless times was probably during university. even if i had 4 different rooms in 6 semesters, i assure you it is NOT fun. packing things into boxes, and just to unpack it and arranging it.... and packing and unpacking. the kind of attachment to the room, and personalising the walls, ceiling and space to your comfort doesnt last long.

of course the best thing about moving is that you get to redecorate and have a fresh change.

i was way too young to remember any tears or goodbyes to the neighbours, or the beach or anything, when the family moved from Dungun to Penang. although the days of climbing on dad's car, or being the little toddler who tried her hand fishing with a full fledge fishing pole, or even spending family time in a quiet neighbourhood are still much of a memory... it's a total zilch on moving. no mental memories, no emotional recollection. only a photograph with all our toys on a lorry. i dont even remember anything upon reaching the new house.

Thus, Penang is my home. all the growing up years.

KL, i suppose it's a second home. but it has yet to reach the equivalent mark as the little island. being here, i've only moved from campus, to the rented room at my brother's place for a few months, before living in the current apartment. and i still would prefer a landed property for a dog. but what's the point when there's no one to take care of it most of the day.

I dont find it a joke, if the family decides to move back to the beachside.

there's nothing to cry. but the emotions were too much to bear. the single storey terrace that is so near to the schools and McD. the walls which i randomly choosed when we painted the walls were in lilac, pale blue and pale green (yes, dont ask me why i came up with such combination). the smallest size to crawl through the living room window when the carkeys were left inside the house. the room window grills were taken out, and i could easily jump through into the kitchen whenever i feel like it. The signature that i left on the room door that took gazillion years to come off. the garden landscape that changes every single time when im back for the holidays. the 20-second shock i had, not recognising my own house when it was painted in yellow and blue.

too much memories over 19 years or so (that's excluding KL home years). i never understood how can anyone who moved so often go through this sadness of departure.

even more, even if it was all a depressing dream, the feeling lingers on at sunrise. for half a day.

isnt there anything else better to dream about than such upsetting ones?
can i ask for my naphy remedy... that's too much to ask also.

Reality Slap

2011-08-22T22:43:00.000+08:00

Take that! hiiiiiyaaaaaa.....

Reality is so depressing.
even more if it's unavoidable.

3 months. and the stronghold can only last until October. yes, the flashy red button is given a push last month. eating grass cannot support me, neither is going back to the island.

not having a specific skill underlined on that piece of paper after 3-4 years in tertiary can be quite sucky. account manager, client servicing. and for the first time, doubt of being overpaid surfaced.

KL or Selangor, it should not be the issue of something to last the next 3-5 years. spam the possible jobs. the ones that i may not get through due to pay or lack of experience. or the ones with low pay but allows me to pick up something new. but at scratch, it isnt sufficient to bear monthly expenses.

as much as i dont really know what i really want to do, but to try something new... there's only that little opportunity that they'll allow for learning. and mostly the doors are closed. sounded as unfair as someone once told me as equivalent that lambs will never have a chance.

just keep on going. when pressed, options gets lesser. and the painful slaps becomes more intense.

persistance. how much can that push me through the odds.
try, try and to try...

it's the race against the savings now.

Toba Volcanic Wonders

2011-08-20T17:51:00.000+08:00

After our maiden Indonesia trip to Jogjakarta earlier this year, i was determined to experience the true blue geographical grounds of this country that sits on the Ring of Fire.

Seeing Mt Merapi's trail of destruction in Kaliurang, it was left to imagination of how Lake Toba would be.

Thanks to Keat's effort of arranging a guide (or rather driver) for our use throughout the 5-day trip, and various suggestions of site visits from local friends' recommendation. and before we knew it, the vacation period arrived. 3 new travel kakis joined us this round, with a total of 8 kakis, but nevertheless the trip was still enjoyable.

Day 1 & 2, August 13-14

The cabs were super efficient. i requested for 4.30am pick-up but they arrived like a good 20 minutes earlier.
at LCCT, we broke the McD tradition and headed to Mary Brown's instead. anyhow, our regular spot was occupied. also this time, we were determined not to have our names called over the PA system this time. once in a year (or even lifetime) is enough.
We arrived late to our breakfast point. and it sort of left our indonesian sisters sitting alone at a table filled with 10 bowls of various noodles. YH described it as ancestor prayer table. furthermore, it is also the first day of the Hungry Ghost festival...
the journey to Lake Toba, small churches were seen all over and even within a mere radius of 50 meters would be 2-3 churches. the graves are also seen everywhere. later did we know the Toba area is mainly Christian and Catholics due to past history invasion.
The rain sort of marred our plans a little on the island. those "quieter" times were filled with Chor Tai Tee and Monopoly Deal in the van, villa and any waiting time in-between.
we made ruckus during the final badminton match between Malaysia and China while dinnering at the villa.
yes, we love the Samosir Village Villa.... really nice place with beautiful rolling hills and greens. something we'll never see in malaysia. but we suffered cold shower as the heater ran out of gas, and it was tough to control the heater.

As said, the rain was partly a spoiler, and our two heroes who took part in the traditional Batak dance were more like dancing the rain dance... it really had them drenched by the time it was done. video was taken, by the way...

this trip too, either a complete nutter or rather perverted trip. never realised the couple were such of innocence. on numerous occasion, it was like a conversation gone awry with discreet what were you thinking jokes.

Day 3 & 4, August 15-16

little sadness welled up when we left Toba. although Samosir island, the only island on toba crater and larger than singapore, was a quiet and scattered population, the beauty of the surrounding green hills is just too gorgeous to be left behind. not to mentioned it was a cool relaxing time with the rain and lakeside, idling time playing cards and company of friends. and on the day we left to continue our journey up north to Berastagi, the sun created such beautiful blue sky, casting above the hills and rushing waterfall at sipiso-piso.

There was hardly anything much to do at Berastagi town, except for the fruit market place with abundance of fresh produce and fruits we've never seen before. food was satisfying with local noodles and babi panggang. and of course, more cards played.

After a night, we departed to our final destination - Medan. it was quite a journey which we stopped by a few places to visit, enjoyed the hot spring pool at the very-still-alive Mt Sibayak and durians. this is my first hot springs and indeed, the admiration of the skin after that sulfur dip was just excellent. but the hot spring and a wash-off bath from the cool water was numbing... and felt even more refreshing. i missed that the most!

Arriving at Medan and checking into the hotel, we killed time at a nearby mall before we headed for a seafood dinner, hosted by one of our friend's family. walking off that heavy meal, we visited a boulevard where several buddhist temples of different sects are located. more of our medan friends joined us for the visit.

As it was the last night as we're to check out early in the morning, we were put to the challenge of packing our luggage, purchased souvenirs, endless Kusuka chips (the indomaret sure earned a lot from us throughout the trip with chips, Aqua water, Teh Botol etc for our snacking ration), Marquisa cordials and more foodstuff . and also boxes to be checked-in, mainly the liquids. i suppose we're a little smarter now, that we can just maintain our luggage as hand-carry... and fill a box for our items to check-in next time. with that, everyone dont need to check in and save more ringgit to spend!

Day 5, August 17

Indonesia's 66th Independence Day. Although Medan isnt a major city, the roads were colourfully decked in red and white flags, banner and triangles. i dont think we quite stick to our ideas of visiting the tourist sites. perhaps best said that it was the last day where we had our tummy filled to the fullest.

After visiting the Patria centre, we hit another mall for some shopping and food. now here's the a culture shock. as it's a public holiday, most shops are closed and the malls opens at noon. as we were a little early, there was already a large crowd at every entrance at the mall! and the moment the doors are unlocked, the crowd is just like ants crawling all the way up. the schoolkids in their uniform (they still go to school to celebrate officially) headed to the cinema, while there was a large crowd at a sportshop with offers as much as 70% discount and 'buy 1 free 1' offer. needless to say, the shopping trio had a total of 8 shoes among them.

our makan list for the rest of us, together with our medan friends started off with noodles. then we adjourned to a dimsum outlet with yummy durian pancakes and dimsum which are usually not served back home. Cake was in our to-buy list, so kuih lapis and bolu gulung were packed in their own proper travel packaging. Coffee was next with various coffee drinks from long black to cold drip and the famous kopi luwak (civet cat coffee, where it eats the coffee beans and as it goes through the digestion tract but not digested, the beans are processed from the stool). rest assure with all that bitterness and more snacks tried and tested, the caffeine certainly didnt keep me awake.

we arrived at 061 Bistro, which belongs to YH's boyfriend's premise. it was only 5.30pm, we were stuffed yet it was still too early for dinner and our flight isnt until 10.00pm. as food and drinks were on the house, we tried various indonesian food served in modern way (similar to our cafes here) and really fantastic drinks and desserts. throughout that 5 hours, we snacked a lot, played more card games, drank and even had space for dinner!

somehow i was too tired to take pictures (hence the very minimal pix for the last day... gotta wait from the guys). the place really sets to a modern bistro as what we have in KL, and next door is their indon version of Machines, but it's called iPlug. the whole place has a cosy feel. definitely worth a recommendation.

the driving and traffic in medan (and throughout the entire trip) started as a scare and ended up making malaysian driving like peanuts. quite scary really, when vehicles are overtaking at mere inches away, and with oncoming traffic. after that five days, we're kinda immuned to the KL driving... but it wont be long.

i dont know why Toba is no longer a travel destination compared to what it was a good 20 years back. perhaps of other travel places. but it's really a nice place to visit, apart from a lot of road travelling. so get a good company to travel with :)

next Indonesia stop - i still want to visit Bali. preferably before i turn 30 or so. if that's possible....

a special thanks to our medan friends, Yenny H and Yenny W, Yuli & Henny for bringing us around medan city and other Medan friends for their recommendation for places to visit and to eat. Also the Travel Kakis with the endless Eagle stories, and all the inside "sports" joke, from fencing to golf.

Sugar experimental failure

2011-08-19T23:48:00.000+08:00

In every kitchen household, there is always a bottle or jar of salt and sugar. if one is salt, naturally the other is sugar.

I've used the salt a few times when i was boiling soup previously. but ive never used the other jar of clear crystal rocks.

with two lemons sitting in the fridge for two weeks and going soft, i found something worth experimenting. a recipe for sugaring, a safe and less painful method of hair removal in comparison of using wax. Sugar, water and lemons. turn it into paste or soft gel and voila.

or so i thought.

2 cups of rock sugar went into the pot, alongside with 1/4 cup of lemon juice and another 1/4 of water. leave the mixture to boil for the sugar to melt, and then to simmer for 20 minutes to thicken up and let the mixture turn into amber colour.

but the rocks never melted. it wasnt dissolving even after 20 minutes. perhaps the rocks were to chunky, so the mixture went into the blender to crush it smaller. it took a toll on my blender instead. everything went back into the pot for another fire-up.

after somewhat of a total of 1 hour or so since the stove was on... only then it dawned to taste that evaporating solution.... IT WAS SALTY!

that other jar of crystal rocks were ROCK SALT?! why would there be two jar of salt.... and there was no sugar around at all!

that left me totally flabbergasted.

one, for not (at the very least) to test the rocks if it was sugar or salt. but naturally, if you've used one product, naturally the other one would be the other pair.

two, i totally fail as a chemistry student. it never occurred sugar dont dry up. and i still thought it was sugar all the while. sugar gone wrong.

perhaps im more embarrassed by the second fact. well, no matter how basic salt and sugar is in chemistry, it kinda proved why i failed the the entire form 4 and first half of form 5.

so much for sugaring and hair removal....

Incomprehensible

2011-08-09T20:50:00.003+08:00

it's still a secret desire that i want to be out from this insanity.

anyone can be whatever they want to be. but that doesnt give the credit or leeway to behave however a person wants to be whenever and wherever and with whoever.

people whose skin is made out of bull's hide will never feel a thing. even if they rule the planet or otherwise.

shoot me. seriously.

i want to save myself from such despair. not the world.

totally none of my business. i know. freedom of right. or it's just how they are. but dont the world know such thing as being discreet or just keeping some things to yourself, rather than being so open?

yes, perhaps you wear leather. but cant you wear in a more stylish manner and with dignity?

this is exactly why i want out from. and neither want to be nakama either. it's just not anywhere at my growing level, and hardly to my advantage. and some, no gains from it.

no matter how cute-sy, how bubble gummy, how adorable or how cherry pie you are.... there has a limit to it. coz it's either i'd kill myself or you.

even elmo has to die

there'll be less hassle if i were to hang myself. trapping you would be a problem.

certain things are better kept out of sight and knowledge. not meant for any form of PD.

and dont put me in the same level as you...

only Tyger can talk such.

Combat!

2011-08-07T17:19:00.000+08:00

word given: Combat
words in mind: fight. war. attack. gaming.

well, it's pretty none of the above.

and neither is the image above, the exact description of the class.

the self-driven initiative to go to the gym regularly (ie three times a week) still isnt there yet. thus my routine is still weekends on the treadmill (yes, that hardly helps in the so-called training for my runs).

and one fine saturday afternoon, there wasnt hardly anyone joining a body combat class. there goes jill pulling me along.

i normally dont go for gym classes. somehow my preference goes to machines and weights. anyhow, it was less of a self-conscious if i were to ko-ed in the body combat class with a handful of people.

so there you go, my first class - body combat.

my last belt at karate in form 2 was at blue belt (i dropped the sport eventually). and the reminiscence of front punches, front kicks, side kicks, round house kicks, thrown in some side punches, uppercuts, plus speed and timing. all i have to say is that i am getting too old. yeah, right. why am i comparing the days between 15 years ago.

and just when you get the movements and timing correct... the steps change right after that! the sense of rhythm and timing and footing does take a while. moreover this is my first class.

body combat has a higher intensity compared to running for 30 minutes. so naturally, after 4 tracks of high-beat music, i could see stars. sigh, kinda disappointing really, at the level of stamina.

the result? body aches, especially at the shoulder blade. and the calves from all that hopping around.

the overall verdict? a total body workout. quite satisfying. and whilst i may be mad, i dont get much of muscle aches from 30 minutes running anymore, compared to 40 minutes of body combat.

will i do it again? probably... but not with a full class just yet!

Notes

2011-08-05T23:05:00.000+08:00

i hope this day will never cease...

Reclusion

2011-08-05T16:24:00.001+08:00

all the noise is derived in the head.

Menschen,

there is a saying, that if you cant help youself, others cant help you.
or rather, others can help you but what's the point if whilst not knowing the manner.

the ningen are driving me mad. they just dont know when to stay away. and not let their thoughts be heard or seen.

ask once. dont enquire twice or three. and if you have problem with me, be it jealous or cant stand how my life is right now... keep that noise within your head.

the decision was made. they dont have a problem with it. so why should you be the one to nag me incessantly? either at each time met, no other better things to talk about, or even to kick-start a conversation (which the thought of kicking you back is just enticing).

seriously, just let me be. i'll know when to ask when i need it. what more, how can i ask when even the self doesnt know what is wanted. donkey, yes. but that's a fact. this isnt just simply ordering a meal from the menu. least to decide if it's pasta, rice or noodles and to know the choice available there.

i know when i need to get moving. when money runs out. i may be ignorant, but i do know how to foresee a little. im not that stupid. neither am i that stupid not to have an inkling.

concern. thoughtful. curious. drop it all. if i care the least, shouldnt your level be lower than that?

by nature, i dont see the need to keep on telling people everything im doing. this isnt the truman show.
stop asking me things which ive no interest in sharing to others or to tell and dont see the need to.

this isnt a spanish inquisition. for hell's sake, just leave me to breathe in silence.
dont even push your luck to talk to the hand.

neither do i really wanna care about ningen, to satisfy their curiosity or whatever not.
go back to your own domain. im not going to entertain anyone.

not interested in noise. cant care less than the silence, apart from my own.

At Cameron, We... Transpire!

2011-08-02T18:22:00.002+08:00

When they came down over the weekend, dad asked if i wanted to go up Genting on monday.
Na-ah. no way.

But im all hands up for Cameron again, in 3 weeks.

there are friendlier things to do in Cameron compared to genting. it was a different group of friends, and thus a post-camp reward for ourselves to just chillex and have fun. still waiting for KP to post up the departure group photos with all the 13 Incovarians.

As it's the second trip, it was a mixture of to-be-tried and more-to-eat. in fact, eating up in cameron beats genting anytime. both foodwise and price-wise!

Ordered the Herbal Chicken & Curry Chicken bun at Kam Ling, Kampar.
but the shop we went during the YS Taiping trip tastes better.

My first time eating scones. it's so crumbly that i dont quite enjoy it.
but definitely goes well with butter.

Apple Pie.

Choc Brownie

Devouring more strawberry stuff and Butterhead Lettuce Juice.

generally, there are some rules to be kept in mind whenever it relates to incovarians on the loose. because the transpiration of crazy ideas will occur.

ONE: DONT be the last to arrive. there will always be major consequences. in this case, we did a mock wedding for the 2 husbands (Jack & Aik) and 1 wife (Jen) the very moment they arrived at the bungalow at night. all fully furnished, from flowers, poppers, make-up and wedding vows.

This was found at the scone shop.
perfect vows for our holiday wedding (the last two para).

wonder when will the photographer post up the wedding pics...?

TWO: trust your friends to celebrate your birthdays with the horrifying ideas. this time around, it was a sugared doughnut, with a heavy dollop of mayonnaise, sprinkled with cili padi + nachos + mo fa kor asam, and finally with a center hole filled with wasabi. and then they treat you like a toy to be played with.

like im ever going to eat ALL THAT!

THIS is more like Committee Blindfold programme.

Once again, 2 trips in a row and the tea plantation was scrapped off, this time due to some petty girl who took everyone's no-curfew time for granted and thought we'd all be back in KL early and she'll get to proceed with her appointment. we arrived at PJ nearly at 9pm after all.

so bear in mind, dont tell important stuff last minute. and all trips are naturally made to drag especially when we dont quite care about our time.

So that's how July ended. Thus it is now August. 2 more weeks to another holiday, over the Malacca Straits this time. and yes, job still looms discreetly.

Figure 5 and 5

2011-07-28T16:10:00.000+08:00

we'll never be truly satisfied and contented with what we have. that's just life.

stepping onto the brand new weighing scale yesterday, it was a mixture of relief and fear when the dial spinned and stopped at 55kg.

at my height, the minimal BMI is at 55kg.
you could say that i've stopped growing about 8-10 years ago. yet underweight has always been marked as long as i can remember regardless of height. my BMI reading was off the chart of the form 4 textbook, but it became such a norm being underweight.

i'll say it. fat people will naturally have issues. but so do skinny people, despite all the "eat all you can and never grow fat" talk.

some friends think im still too thin, when there are other girls can be used as real chopsticks. and there are some who thought im at the range of 40-ish kg. sure, i was thin at one point, but being thin back then wasnt a surprise. i could easily lose 3kg over 2 days just from state level competition then. moreover, eating and snacking isnt listed as a hobby.

just that we've been so used to see that particular figure in front of the mirror. and the numbers on the weighing scale. even gaining a kg or two normally takes a year or more. call it mad metabolic rate. call it madly underweight. just dont call it anorexic or bulimic because it never is.

from the days when you cant find a size that fits, it has changed to the ones that becomes horrifying each time the size gets larger. and when clothes no longer fit... that became a scene starting last year. and the ever image issue of fat being at the wrong places since school.

it is a little hard to accept now, for one time it was never a worry to begin with. i dont openly complain being fat, because it's just not right when there are others who had it worse. but gaining weight at a rate which hasnt been all these while, something must have changed.

metabolic has taken a slower turn? the sedentary life of not working over two months (and still counting)? not eating proper healthy meals daily? even more slack of exercise? i wouldnt know... it's perhaps all of it.

55. Fifty-five. it's just hard to swallow. 52 kg was just a year ago when i started gym. it never crossed my mind to reach 55 that soon. maybe in 2012 or a year later.

fat mass? muscle mass? i hope it's the latter.

face it, regardless how much a person dont take much at heart to weight issues, but all ladies are naturally. whether you're fat or thin, it's a fact. ALL will still have a personal issue with it, one way or another.

i hope i dont hit 58 next year, i'll freak out again.

One More Year

2011-07-27T23:25:00.000+08:00

Birthday and getting older, that is.

somehow after so many years, it's a challenge of antagonism within self. as much as all my other birthdays has been something of a normal day of sort (which really is anyway), against the possibilities that others out there are more excited than i am. it just doesnt sound quite right along the lines.

and thus, the decision to let others do what they want if they're happy doing it. and in return, to accept it in simplicity.

facebook. a social media tool. connections, new and old, friends or business. while it is convenient of remembering people's birthday's (unless removed), but you cant help but wonder. while people are added because there is a connection shared together, there are bound to be a few that are unknown memories. it is weird to receive messages. that aside, my determination not to succumb to reply was short-lived but a right choice. it would have been a 2-3 hours at nightfall to reply every single well-wisher! facebook day, it felt. and as much as unnecessary thinking yet human, if it wasnt for facebook, there'll be a difference of someone who really remembers because there's meaning to it. the friends whom we've celebrated for so many years, the friends whom we dearly cherish, the friends whom we hold closely to our hearts.

that aside, still on a bumming route, it's a free day.

wednesday is always a good movie day, for just six bucks. it was between watching a new show, or to have ample time for my overdue buy at ikea. the result was Potter 1, Penguin 0. the battle scene at hogwarts still blows me away. and snape represents the ultimate tragic hero.

the overdue purchase from Ikea is as simple as tealight candles for the altar, as good as 4-6 months without the flickering flame. a pack off 100 candles for rm12, an intended purchase of four escalated to a total buy of rm150! tsk, the ikea trap that we all fall into because of its... because it's ikea! Candles... then furniture padding, wardrobe hoops, my samla box, laptop tilt, and finally a weighing scale. and the temptation of the bright happy yellow Mamut stools... must stay away from the rm15!

a yummy fish head bee hoon at ss15 for dinner, singing fun with the group and two cakes for the night.

the ice-cream joy....? *blank*

it'll be another Cameron this weekend (twice in a month!) and it's been a long while since i've last hung out with the incovarians. and medan trip in 2 weeks time.

as it comes with a little more smiles, it also left.

we just have to create (more of) it.

Age reflection

2011-07-27T11:25:00.002+08:00

Happy birthday to me :)

Small improvement, that I'm not so self spiteful this time around. But still with a little scratches of unworthiness after all these years.

No denial I'm not really much of being any better, mentally and emotionally. Self-issues is still a debate. Still finding myself. Still trying to love myself. Still with so many stills of life.

I shall just find some little pleasures to soothe these negative feelings. But it has to be other than cleaning the home!

Shying Away

2011-07-25T12:28:00.001+08:00

a little attention wont hurt. but too much of it isnt something which i can swallow and to put a front just to get by.

and i dislike being the centre of attention.

even if it's just for one deserving day.

Ps: acceptance makes people happier isnt it. you cant beat them, let them do what they want....

Doorway horror

2011-07-24T16:17:00.000+08:00

it didnt really occur to me consciously that all doors or entrances are just the same. regardless if it's residence, shops, high rise buildings, public transports, entertainment centres or just about anywhere.

of course, what lit the thought was perhaps how waiting for elevators are just the same with trains.

once upon a time, the society, led by kiasu culture, hectic rush and whatever all sorts of personal reasons... people would be mobbed, squeezed, squashed just to get in and out of the trains. it resembled a battle line right at the doorway. or even a rugby tackling line. loggerheads going against each other's direction. and of course, when you dont fight against it, you'll get caught and unable to board off the train (and taken for another longer train ride, while muttering curses silently). that would somewhat be a little far worse, if you're unable to board on the train while competing with the sardines around you.

we all learn this since school, yet as adults, we had to be told and reminded and draw lines to line up. all in the name of smooth flow of human traffic when the doors open. and staff who are supposedly there to ensure safety and needs.

whenever i waited for the BTS Skytrain especially at high traffic stations such as Siam, everyone lined up in such orderly manner that you could make out the number of human que lines. and the security staff ensured people followed at all station platforms. least the passengers have the brains to move further in, or nearer to the door if they're getting off the next station, unlike here in malaysia.

this is no different of allowing people to disembark first, to allow more space and the new crowd to enter. and it applies to all situation as mentioned above.

of course, even small little apartments with lifts, at a smaller number of pax waiting... people still just rush in before allowing others to step out first. does it kill you, to be 5 seconds late to reach your humble abode, than to let a person exit first? sigh.

i was observing a resident who was waiting for the lift, and the aunty practically stood right in front of the door. i, for one, find it rudely disturbing. just as how you find the many pole dancers in LRTs, it's like a scenario of a horror movie when the doors open. of course, the lift was empty. speaking of which, there a several times when i encountered the 'horror' of sudden surprise.

civic-mindedness is everywhere. and unless you're all alone within an enclosed space, dont go around doing just about anything.

White Cross

2011-07-22T00:05:00.004+08:00

The first ive ever stepped into regularly every weekday for two consecutive years was Trinity Methodist Church. it was also a kindergarten, where some of us from school were from there too. funny isnt it, where i had my pre-school and schooling days all on the same stretch of the road.

this place holds dearly to the childhood filled days. and funny it became, i did my part time as a nursery helper while waiting for form 6 intake for about 3 months.

'twas indeed not much of a difference. in fact, it's pretty much the same where it was. and some of the teachers there who taught me, are still there.

then there's a place, which i've only been once. know nothing about it. except for St Anne's festival which is celebrated every end July. and that one occasion stepped inside wasnt during the festival.

End july. how could i ever forget that.
and it's starting this weekend.

Week 8

2011-07-21T14:37:00.000+08:00

The eighth week is marked.

someone once compared my leisurely life to another person, who also too, is in the same position as i am. thus i was told right in the face to go travel around or join her adventures.

please dont put one similarity and expect the rest of the picture to be the same. we all live in our own circumstances, concerns and conditions.

so much easier said than done. people who have a clear route of ambition sure have it much easier. knowing what they want.

people who knows no hardship, or experience suffering, sees some aspects of life for granted. we all take everything and anyone for granted. until taken away, we never truly appreciate anything. even if we know mentally in our heads, but emotionally we do all the wrong things daily.

knowing what you dont want. but not what you want. not even a 'roughly'. swaying like a reed, to and fro. that's how life has been all the while, isnt it? but going with the flow isnt going to be effective in this circumstances.

end of the day, it's all about selling yourself. market skills, and confidence. supported by that measly paper we all struggled with. for some, the paper is indeed the gateway to ambition. and some, it's just a key to simply anywhere. thus to be different, belies on experience.

yet after 4 years, it isnt anything specific. anyone can do it. not specific skill that is sought for in the industry. yet to earn a wager enough to cover the expenses. never mind all the fresh specific skilled kuci rats, it's a separate entity which there's nothing to compete.

yet upon a reflection...
anyone can do what i do. the competition is there after all. and im at a disadvantage.
the many things i cant do. specific skills are marked X in red.
the many things without any background or experience. just a no-go.
remaining with what i can do... without experience needed, not at interest, not at confidence.

and when there is no preference, all that's left is to take the gamble and put the foot one step forward first... just one by one.

10220 days...
the black dots are still first in view, the whites are still a disbelief.

Kitchen knacks

2011-07-19T00:36:00.000+08:00

living alone isnt all about convenience and flexibility. one of it, when it comes to sustaining the body's daily energy.

cooking for one person is somewhat a price to bear. alright, may be an excuse apart from being lazy to cook. but there's only that much to cook for one, two or three meals. but how frequent can these be reheated? really, taken into consideration of the cost of food, preparation (gas, electricity, water) and washing - i'd rather settle for a pot meal or just do with sandwiches.

i can cook. just that i cant cook to perfection or present it to a pleasant sight and smell. usually decent and edible. yet, the accounts of real cooking isnt more than two hands.

yet with the time on my hands these days, cooking still isnt main. waking up for the market for my own benefit is something hard to be convinced. anyhow, with the small purchase made at Cameron last weekend, it's a simple throw-into-the-pot. even herbal soups without meat.

the ABC soup was almost as much as desired - except for the missing carrots that i accidentally packed (with the limited light at the backseat) into the wrong bag, and too much pepper. other than that, it was okay. the sweetness of Cameron corn, hint of tomato tangy-ness and added with diced potatoes and carrots. well, the other unsaid flop would be the usual lousy sense of estimation. the amount of peppercorns crushed would likely send someone into tummy problems. 1 corn, 2 potatoes, 2 tomatoes, 2 onions.

in between, there were the juicing of tomatoes-apple & the two combo with additional strawberries-grapes. Juicing has always been an easy one as for my own consumption, the ratio doesnt really matter. it was all in the name of fridge clearing anyway. so disregarded is the lovely taste and smell of tomatoes that stood out, the icky-squeaky feeling of apples, berry sourness. but you just relish it all with glee, because it's fresh.

then came the chicken battle. preparing wings for the barbecue at jill's. without a proper recipe to follow (although i did browse for some) and meaning, the lousiest sense of estimation kicks in... it was all fingers-crossed that it taste good enough and edible enough to eat. so why not follow any recipes? herbs, spices, sauces, yada yada which there is barely the basic condiments in my kitchen. and there's really no point buying new bottles when it's only used once ~~a year~~. lemons, garlic, sesame oil, salt, pepper, honey, borrowed curry powder and bay leaves, found tumeric and coriander powder. zero estimation sets in. safely to say, it was edible to be eaten. just a strong lemon base. and the remainder uncooked lemon-curry wings, it became wings in lemon-curry sauce!

Soup round two was a flop. tomatoes outruled everything this time. ended up tomato-based ABC soup. got carried away with the tomatoes and the imaginary fresh taste. so a sour soup it is, and tolerance for sour stuff is pretty limited. not the kind that you can polish off bowl after bowl.

for someone who hardly cooks, the available appliances and ingredients in the kitchen is also not recognised or remembered. and today was an amazing discovery. i actually have a knife sharpener, in bright florescent orange, in both round metal plate and tiny sharpening stone. and to think i was telling jill on saturday that i could do with one for my knives. then came the second discovery - the drawer which i hardly opened, provided the opportunity to BLEND the leftover lime sundae ~~which is a bad buy~~ with scooped-out kiwi from the fridge. yes, a blender!

amazing isnt it, to find out more things to play with in the kitchen... the items that has been there for so long yet abandoned.

i wonder what other kitchen stories are in store for me, as i embrace the breeziest room of the home....

3 tomatoes. 1 bag of cherry tomatoes. one last corn. 2 garlic bulbs. looks like sandwich days will be back soon.

Cameron, 20 Years Late

2011-07-11T22:42:00.000+08:00

What is it like to recall things as far back as 20 years ago?

at that time, all i remembered that it was dad's company trip, while he was still working with Slim River Latex. Visited a rubber plantation, my first experience learning how to incise the tree, watch the latex drip into little cups, and how it is processed as humongous (and smelly) rubber blocks. but somehow i hardly remember much about visiting Cameron Highlands after that, though the memory of tea plantation is vague.

* i consider myself one lucky kid during lower primary school days as i had my regular spot at the office lobby, doing my tuition and schoolwork on occasional Saturdays, and of course, lovable kid. Lucky as i it's my growing memories being with dad. *

it's as bad not remembering anything about Cameron, or even visited there before.

And thus, at 28, i hope the feeling of cool fresh air, the excitement at the sight of potted strawberries and red, juicy tomatoes growing from the vines... and yes, doing discussion outside at the balcony, will stay.

this term's Exco Orientation was up the hill. the road journey up to the hills isnt what i call a great ride. long and restless is much preferred. and the hills were pretty much off from my expectation of greens - mostly white from the greenhouse. and lots of it. But once being surrounded with luscious fresh vegetables, strawberries and beautiful flowers... it seriously tempts you to be a vegetarian instead! perhaps it was me and lum (only) who had the same joy of seeing the fresh greens.

i wish i was a goat at this point... yummy!

tomato juicy goodness :)

Shrek-ear Cactus... or so we named it.

But what's a trip when you dont treat yourself to the best produce that is offered? Of course, it was indeed a shock-cum-surprise when Phino wanted french fries... all the way up in Cameron? queer, but she claimed it was better than McDs. Nevertheless, there were endless fresh produce sold at a very cheap price. spoilt for choice, it was tempting to just grab the leafy vege and stock up the whole entire car. good enough to do a re-sale back in KL!

Onward to serious business... twas my many weaknesses to be a visionary person, or at least to put on thinking caps on directions and planning for the future. or knowing what you want (needless to say, my present situation reflects it). much to my dismay and also expected, it was just too confusing for me. after all, putting such visualisations in terms of goals, vision and objectives are like raddish juice.

It was a fun trip. but being back to reality... responsibilities up ahead. and well, guess my weekend mornings are just gonna be as much as i can do.

Genting Escapade

2011-07-08T15:19:00.000+08:00

The last few trips to Genting Highlands were somewhat spotty all over. 1994 family trip. 1997 school trip. 2008 Wesak. 2008 Christmas visit with Krit, Mint and Jin. Anyhow, it's not the kind of place where you'd go every year with the same ol rides and stuff.

Then, it was a mother-daughter trip this time. Me and Mum, with Siew Ling and her mum.

Things have changed quite a bit. and im not comparing from the last few trips (which one was just a one day trip, and there's nothing much to wander around when you're busy making wesak sales) but in general. needless to say, ive lost track on the new stuff.

Or rather, the casino goers would know what's going on. Spend and converted into points. usable for free night stay at First World and redeemable for lunch or dinner, depending on the promotion given on the daily basis. of course, i dont know what the mechanism of ringgit expenditure and time-basis to the points.

it isnt my first visit inside Starworld, but it's the first meddling with the tables and slot machines. albeit a minor one that took me such a long time to understand the logic (especially the machines), it all boils down to luck. and i just dont have the knack of those to last a long run.

i admit. i was practically talking to slot machines, especially THIS particular one.

apart from the playing, there's only that much i can contribute to uncle lim's empire. and the endless secondhand smoke. dont even bother about the no-smoking zone at Starworld - unless the place is closed, sharing the same air in the open is pointless. so far the one with the decent air level for me in the casino would be the Monte Carlo at the Highland, found on day 2 from all the adventuring around the entire place.

Day 3, was all on my own after checking out and lunch. armed with an outdoor park ticket, it's a slow pace one. skipped all the thrilling rides and opt for the slow relaxing ones, plus all the loitering-adventuring at all corners of the park. then it was back to the indoor and more adventuring.

There's only that much which can be done. and 3 days for me is a bit too long that i had to find ways to keep myself occupied.

and to think the other 3 are going up again today.... think i'll stick to day trips.

im not a crazy ardent fan of cold weather. and i'll be up to another highland this weekend. brrr...

Week 5

2011-06-30T00:00:00.000+08:00

the society being curious and giving the bewildered look.

im not rich. im crazy. im not adventurous. im ridiculous. im not a planner. im doing what i want to do. for now.

really, stop asking me. stop digging for information. and well, keep the concerns hidden for now.

not everyone is lucky to know what they want. what they're inspired. where they want to go. what they want to do. not everyone understand the the feeling of drifting with the wave, stuck in complacency, and indecisive.

i know im taking a risk. life has been too safe for me that sometimes you have to do the unimaginable to move on a step from there. and its my choice to do so.

the world is cocooned. too many things i dont know of. if not me, the world out there. perhaps it's high time to defy ~~mother's worry of me travelling alone~~ and take a hike out there.

so let me figure out on my own for now. as lazy as i am, as uninspired life has been. no vision. no wants. could it be to just do it. and go with the ride...

i have to reach into myself first, before others can reach out to me.

let me do so, and watch me from behind.

Inspiration (and perspiration)

2011-06-28T18:15:00.000+08:00

The post below are personal thoughts and emotions that partly left me in the blues of late, not knowing how to face it. perhaps unnecessary thoughts. little did i know that it did opened up discoveries which i never expected.

I've never been able to deal with my own beliefs, self-faith and confidence very well. still am, actually. conditions and situations around us are a-changing, that before you recover from one, another one just leaves you at a block.

the reason i objected my participation to resume my old position at camp, as a programmer, was a conflict of personal interest. im not so much of a do-gooder. i was unable to be in terms of putting the backbones together (which includes planning, execution, explanation) and for something which i lack in my own faith. an irony, of something which i doubt my own practices, and yet to inspire others of that way. outright liar, i thought. moreover, i wasnt too sure of being ready to commit all these, when the spirit has been wavering in exco itself.

im naturally not a dominant person, taking charge from the very beginning (let alone the many jinxes encountered). but with the team im bound to work with, doesnt seem likely. neither is knowing a poison being in the team. with all the above, i stepped out from the committee and do not want to be involved in any way.

sure, our regular puchong makan kakis did still went on. but they have never put camp as a topic over dinner conversation.

June 14
you know how deadly it is when people ask for favours as their birthday present? Kapitan just had to use that on me, in request to facilitate for camp. and here i was thinking just helper would suffice. i wasnt keen about taking on the responsibility. yet, the word of rejection didnt formed.

June 21
a sudden wave of documentation files flooded my mailbox. it dawned that what difference does it make to my own discomfort regardless being a programmer or facilitator? it's still a judgement to my own faith. call it freaked out. call it panic. but i was in tears that night, both mixture of fear and zero confidence. and i was more than ready to tell everyone that im walking out on them. again.

June 22, camp eve
morning: the night wore me out badly, leaving emotions shaky. yet there was time to still make the final call.
evening: my confidence of meeting my own standard may not be there. but i was confident i can pull myself through. there are friends who stood by me, and will still be my driving factor for the 4 days. i think Kapitan and Eggy must be overjoyed when they received my sms.

from all the experience garnered as a participant, programmer and going through documentation for the pipsqueaks... it has somewhat made some matters crucial. very small, yet still important to ensure smoothness. and these are the many things that people missed out.

i, for one, am NOT going to put myself at a total discomfort of sleeping on bare floor. what amazes me is that there were that many committee who had the experience being in the venue place for camp. i know, small matter like this shouldnt be a fuss. but how many camps has it been already, that it becomes a standard procedure when it comes to accommodation and venue? takpe. "you should know right since you're from here?" gee, so you only did that much of homework, huh?

a quick run through of the main sessions, talks and all, clearly this is one camp where the hectic level is quite contained. and some workshops are very low-involvement or just outrightly full of holes. nevertheless, i kept my expectations on a low key and would see what they have churn out.

June 23-26, camp period
i may not be in the right position to voice my opinion, as a facilitator and also for someone who pulled out. but overall of the camp, it was definitely not up to my standard at all. i also may not know how the working process was before the event.

being a programmer is the toughest of all. it isnt all that rosy and easy as people would think. it needs quality, from beginning to the end. it needs extra effort and thoughts. various angles to consider. different point of views. conjuring the best and worst case scenarios. optimising the materials and manpower provided and needed. to be clear on instructions, process and debriefing. to be able to relate situations and people. and not just main sessions but also in every session that is scheduled, and as small as puja or meals. apart from all that brain work, to be able to sync with the others is equally important. to back up. to cover and add on whenever necessary. to be 5 steps ahead of time and process. ready to hop into the picture when situation calls for it. to play backstage while others are at front line. and even other departments doesnt require programmers involvement, you still have to take knowledge of the participants and food (yes those small issues) the moment a plan is set. i mean, its real blood-sweat-tears put in to really give a camp that inspires and blow people off their shoes, one way or another.

not everyone is able to do that. if you cant, you're seriously better off from the team. dont waste time. dont hinder the momentum. dont drag others to your level.

many small things (ie not having speaker's phone number) could have been avoided during the camp. sure, everything turned out fine in the end. but it doesnt prove the capability to cover up fast and well, but reveals how careless or lack of effort has been put into or taking things for granted. while everyone's time is important in camp, the extra effort to cover takes up more of individuals' time, when it could have been in better use of preparing ahead.

Day One itself had a mini crisis. a workshop that is focused on case study was somewhat done during the talk which was just before the session. bearing the exact same concept, similar cases and no back up plan. if you ask me, this clash of case study could have been avoided if we take effort to know more of what will be done during the talk, and inform the speaker what is prepared for the workshop. i questioned the programmers present, and none of the above applies (not to mention they werent as panicky as i am, and werent very helpful). indeed, we managed to work with the speaker to work further on the case studies from his session and extended it into another hour, making a total of 3 hours. the remaining hour was slapped in with a hymn singing session.

if you ask me, that became a good waste of a 2-hour session which could be used productively and with impact. so what resulted of the original workshop? in my words, a scrap off. a sheer lost of solid opportunity. my heart sank, akin thrown off ship.

we all know how JC is good at talking to cover up. except he uses a lot of bullshit equivalent to excuses. i personally know him back from hometown. he's one of the few people i can never get along well and will not compromise to stoop at his level. i wasnt all keen to know he wanted to be in the team (we all said silent prayers at this point) but we believe in giving opportunity to try. the truth, most of us cannot handle him successfully.

THIS, i have to reveal the 411 of Workshop 2.

as i did not attend pre-camp to know what the sessions are, i had my first try of it during camp eve. pretty confusing as it was already with his poor instructions, there was just something very wrong with the game itself that i was not able to pinpoint at that time. perhaps it was just me as the first, second for some of the committee. it just gave that feeling of loopholes and weak clarity that was not explainable. his debrief to me, when i asked, was utter Nonsense. despite programmers being good of goreng-ing, it still has to be done well. not just simply whacking anything that sounds workable but not logical or unrelated. clearly he wasnt happy when i (as a faci) rebuked him (as a programmer).

every night before we turn to bed, committee will sit through to prepare the next day's session - who's in charge, whose help is required, what items are to be prepared etc. this time, with a few more first time committee sitting in through the day's programme, there were even MORE doubts on Workshop 2. eventually things got more complicated and confusing that even those who are going through it the second and third time ended up as confused as everyone else. those present were posing more questions for clarification and better understanding. and some with alternative suggestion to make the game easier to understand, workable and not to leave participants totally redundant in the game.

JC was at the losing end. unable to clarify (he's never good with words to explain in the first place), to give his opinion or open to new ideas to improve the session. i was struggling and feeling half defeated. some were still debating and struggling to grasp the mechanics. some were baffled and observed in deep thoughts. a few left for bed, being too tired or trust the good hands of the awake ones.

in the process of the confusion-clarification-correction, the one who spoke the least was the programmer in charge himself. no longer taking ownership of the session, to have someone to even say (intentionally or unintentionally) to scrap off the session if it doesnt work out was something i totally cannot accept. here we are, staying up late on DAY ONE only to repair and make the best out of the session, and to have the owner say such. gone is my respect towards him. gone is my facilitator hat. i totally told him off. everyone at the discussion floor is sacrificing their sleep to make things work out and there spoke a complete GIT.

the next occasion he uttered useless words were more than clear indication that he should NEVER be on the team ever again. Making sexist remarks of why girls are such perfectionist (Jen was busy writing down on the whiteboard to clarify mechanics while MY typed out for facilitator's reference later), he has no idea how important it is doing so. needless to say, i told him off for not putting effort at all when he suggested of continuing this the next morning! when he declared all he wanted was just as simple as buy-and-sell and instigating ways for participants to cheat "just as easy as that" ... Kapitan shared that the easiest idea usually end up the hardest as one has to draw out the lines clearly and carefully, unlike the opposite - complex game would already have lines stated. that was the last straw and he turned to bed.

finally about 4am, most of us had a clear picture of the game, the mechanics, the possibilities and back up. with Jen covering my back, i took charge of the execution. before turning in the day, i needed someone to refrain me from killing JC into smithereens, and pray for all the patience and strength to practice loving kindness....

Day Two was a few hours of sleep for most of us. the focus of my morning was to clean up the reference document from preparing the scenario, rearranging the flow, crystalising the points and finally eating the debriefing notes for my lunch. but before i was able to start working on it, a few committee realised that nothing was briefed for Puja and Meditation. * moments of silence* checked with JT, he points to JC, who once again, knows nothing. makes me wonder if the J&J even knows anything at all... a few of us after breakfast had to work with the scarce information available and calling around. as information increased... finally we got a picture of PICs and preparation required. frankly if you ask me, it is the programmers responsibility to still know at least what is going on despite outsourcing the session and also WHO.

regardless of the success of workshop execution, it doesnt change the fact the unnecessary late night could have been avoided. and never did i ever expect that i had to put in my programmer shoes on in this camp.

what captured me the most, was that hours of teamwork by the fellow committees, staying up all night to churn, repackage, revised, repair. everyone present were trying their best - to salvage, to concretise, to built foundation... whatever you name it. perhaps it was everyone's effort that we're inspired by one another to see this through and through. and most importantly, to see this as a success. could be due to the flop of Workshop 1 and Workshop 3 was another zero faci-involvement. that left Workshop 2 as the main energy session. nevertheless, i thank you for the bottom of my heart that being inspired by your actions and late night grilling, i was able to understand it fast and execute it. and it's been a very long time, this feeling of assurance kept me at ease.

I wont touch anything on Day Three & Four, as there was anything hardly brilliant about it. and the irks are repeated.

i wasnt much of a great faci, disappearing now and then and well, missing the moments to be with my group such as graduation time. but im glad to have the chance to at least laugh with a group, together with my co-faci Mervin.

Meet the A-Team!

Why did i end up being CARRIED?!

also a more personal thing, Incovar has become a reuniting point together with Lee Yen and Keng Yan, as we were group members of our first Dhamma camp way back in 1997. and it has been 14 years ever since. yes, we're all growing old together. and also meet up with old incovarians who popped up from time to time.

this is officially my longest post ever. i may not be wholly inspired throughout the camp. but for that one small moment of inspiration, there is a little joy which i want to keep it lighted as long as i can. to remind myself there's always a little faith and hope, despite the odds, especially when everyone strives for the same direction.

Because at Incovar, we inspire....

Standard Charted KL Marathon 2011

2011-06-27T19:20:00.006+08:00

I have to admit. i LOVE being part of the reason of main roads being closed.

it just dawned on me that it's officially one year since i started participating in running races. *imaginary pat on the back* i think i deserve to congratulate myself for keeping it up.

what i fail to do this time, is to train properly. like that is hardly any surprising.

training consistently and diligently has been my weakest point. not to mention not bulking up on the right food and sufficient fluids plus rest as it was also Incovar week.

my own run... baaaad. unable to focus my pacing nor my breathing well. walked more this round. cant quite recall if i was able to keep to my regular timing. nevertheless, i couldnt even carry myself to the finishing tent and ended up being carried to the first aid tents. so that's the price to pay for all the lack of everything.

So how was is compared to last year's? i believed a vast improvement was in place, from beginning to end. the social media team has been very helpful with inquiries. Race day matters.... I didnt catch the shuttle bus to the Padang Merbok starting point as i thought a morning walk of 800m would be better. many had the same idea. signage were sufficient. the volunteers were definitely helpful all the way. water station are located as informed. i supposed everything went smoothly as possible. i personally have no grouses unlike the Energizer run.

Well, that's a lesson for me. if i dont like the feeling of fatigue - TRAIN FOR IT! timing isnt out yet, so shall post that when it's up. i foresee probably about 1 hour 30 mins around there.

the next run for Adidas King Of The Road is a little too long. so im looking for something in between for now.

Timing is just released.
Gun Time: 1:24:22
Net Time: 1:20:53

guess i was still pushing myself so much and walking along the route. still need to target of a time shave of 10 minutes next time... TRAIN IDIOT, TRAIN!

ranking? 502 out 3910 of women's open category, with the 10,000-ish people taking part in 10km category... okay lah kan? XD

Post Edit
I forgot to mention that i won a prize for the Road Runner Twitter Contest #1. it's a twitter catchy slogan contest with keywords. for the first week, it was for New Balance (as one of the sponsors).

#SCKLM_RR if only there’s NB shoes for 3-toed, I’d run and tweet all the way at SCKLM, especially at the finishing way ahead of time!

who ever thought that cheesy random slogan could win me a RM100 voucher from NB? not complaining as i could do with exercise pants or something useful!

the funny thing about the twitter bird BIB number... it had 02584 on it. need i say what 584 means? i had the pleasure of determining the new number *grin* so what's the easier way of putting it into numbers? translate SCKLM into sms numbers!

and i simply must add this is - the Social Media Team rocks!

still gotta find something for the next three quiet months...

Bygones

2011-06-21T13:36:00.001+08:00

it does feel weird.

of silent handwritten writings, deep thoughts, unsaids, breakdowns, agony and grief and everything else that had happened and were recorded...

a removal of a recorded memory. and thus the work now falls on Time - to conceal, or to fade away. and as if it never occurred.

15 years. to set ablaze the pages and to wipe out the bytes.

goodbye grief

for tears that weakens the soul

goodbye pain

for marks left, it needs no recollection in words

goodbye senses

for buds that never blooms to full glory

goodbye

for the unknown yet to be found

Reality Bite(s)

2011-06-20T13:13:00.000+08:00

it may not be december.
it's really time to get moving... reality bites.

im still playing with the thoughts of painting the walls... self-study on german... inkling mental wishes... if i ever get my lazy arse to it.

and still zero M-I.
people who are secured will never appreciate the value of hard work or the need of it.

Tick Tock... Boom

2011-06-16T20:29:00.001+08:00

okay, so the explosions all lined up isnt as fiery nor as polluting as the real ones.

all of it, akin to ants being squashed ~~thought of ticks but the blood spewing is gross~~. one by one, as each turn downs (with this particular case of 7 only) crushes the hope. and what's left is better off not even having one in the first place.

overly sensitive? why should i not be? the counter has gone beyond the limit, leaving its counterpart way behind. so pick up the calculator and go do the maths. that's why im against of initiating anything for it always yield bad results in the end, bad enough to be called off. regardless of the size of crowd or event.

call it bad luck. call it bad timing. i call it J.I.N.X.E.D.
in fact, it's been a very long while that i last used the term.

forget it, seriously. just. forget. it.

sit down. good dog.

it irks me being such a goody-goody two shoes in the growing years.

obediently listening to instructions. do as being told. hardly going against words (except for my brother's). diligently finishing homework on time. counts of playing truant in school and uni are countable with ONE hand. hardly threw tantrums when i dont get what i wanted from people, taking a shelve down and no longer becomes a desire.

well, most of the time was out of fear and knowing the consequences behind a reverse action. can i puke now?

it may be psychology, but inches by inches as measured, the reverse action wishes to burst out of it seems and show it right in front of your face. tired it is, having to be such an obedient dutiful creature.

break the rules. break the norms. break expectations. and place disappointments on others instead. and with the utmost childish mentality, if others can do so, why cant i?

im not kidding about the latter. its possible that people take advantage of my situation and therefore ~~squeeze out~~ expect the fullest convenience and flexibility out of me.

as a summary of the above, a contrast against each other.
one end of receiving and another end of giving.

let's just hope (with an expectation that it'll be a waste as usual) that i'm able to do what ive been doing when Julius is here.

Of Calls and Technology

2011-06-15T15:54:00.001+08:00

inspired by a bright yellow-coloured communication tool that sits on the dining table....

it just suddenly dawned on me while munching cabbage soup... like there isnt anything else better to look at.

Fellytone is how Mr Arthur Weasley calls it, not remembering the actual Muggle Term. forgive me but I've been reading through the last few Harry Potter books. but alas, how much has this wonderful invention by Mr Bell as come this far and modern technology has made it into a multi-functional tool.

i dont recall the days of abusing the telephone as a toy. or rather, i had my own glossy plastic telephone coin box which rattled with coins instead of connecting to people. As much it sat there, there was no one to dial but usually answered instead. The yellow-ochre telephone was frequently shifted from living room, dining room and also master bedroom, as far as i can remember.

after learning how to count, and when the telephone finally showed its real use during primary... we'd write in each other's pocket-sized 555 notebooks. our ugly handwriting were naturally horrendous. and it was just good ol 6-digit to write and remember then. the funny memory i had was right sometime during the first two weeks in standard one, when i lent my textbook to a friend. why did i panicked so much to realised i had a page of homework not done, and dialing the digits according to the notebook was a failure. it was all too much to understand for a 7 year-old kid when "no such person" was responded.

we'd think we all can be found according to the numbers. but it was beyond our little minds that children were registered with a different address to be accepted by the school. to finish off the story, mum drove me all the way to the house address. terrifying horrors of being punished by the teacher when i obviously never had my book back until the next day. amazingly how i still remembered this incident...

then came the days when the phone was better than lifesaver mints. cases of not knowing how to do the homework, not getting the answers (resulting in calls at least 3 times day) and plain asking if we're going to school tomorrow or being just bored... all found its solution through the phone. not to mention the rising figure displayed on the phone bill. in later years, any mobile numbers that encountered more than rm5.00 will be questioned.

but i admit that our ability to remember phone numbers were excellent. even more so, when the system changed to 7 digits, converting the front figures to also represent the calling area. not only we had these numbers at our tips, but also know who stayed at where. nah, phones that display incoming numbers weren't exactly a trend... you just have to use what Telekom rented.

when the era of internet trickled in, some numbers underwent another change. mine was one of it, which i didnt quite like fancy. it's like losing the identity of the number. and again, and again... and i think also for the third time. this includes changing the Telekom phones. nevertheless, telephone was still our best buddy for fast communication, finding out why someone didnt turn up at school, and giving homework for the day.

i nearly forgot about the public phones. perhaps those were really crummy things being vandalised ever so often. the number of time used in my lifetime can be counted on my hands and feet together (or maybe just the hands). the clinking sound of 10 or 20 sens for short conversation, and more if it's to a mobile line. it's otherwise known in school, as emergencies, which you wont use the school phone ie forgot to bring this-and-that, or transportation matters. nevertheless, someone once taught me how to "cheat" the machine by pressing the hash and star key for a free call. it worked a few times!

i used to make long distance calls to KL occasionally, armed with a prepaid card (rm10, as back up when coins booths arent functioning) that lasts for 30 minutes. prepaid cards was quite a funny thing... we'd all try to collect various designs. but not the kind you'll buy for collection's sake.

Internet played quite a small role. most of us had internet restriction hours (or rather wanting to be online at peak hours of Friday night and weekends). emails werent used as a main tool, but mostly forwarded messages to be shared. chatrooms were all about, well, chatting of course. quite different from it has become of this present age. kinda scary how fast and vast technology advanced...

then came the time when handphone was the in-thing. albeit not everyone has it (the very least until college or university), one fact dawned upon us all... we no longer can remember the many contact numbers unlike before. with address books easily available at the scroll of keypads, only crucial numbers are planted in the memory. even more, house numbers soon became a yesteryear.

of course, we have to admit calls between landline is still cheaper than mobile, especially for college days. we had to use our own pocket money to purchase prepaid cards. and when we want lengthy conversations (more than an hour), we resort back to house phones. even in the means of dragging the phone into the room, not wanting other people to hear the chatters. and not frying our ears (and brains).

just fyi, i've been reprimanded and caught over such actions or anything more than 15 minutes. 30 minutes shows the glare. and one hour is equivalent to "oi, the phone is going to explode" nags. the longest i had was 3-4 hours right after STPM, clearly when home alone.

we all now carry this little gadget called handphone, that keeps us all in touch ever so easily. and the crazy speed that internet has grown, it makes everyone reachable (and traceable, if i may add). yet, the requirement of fixing up the network in the house is still a landline. the house landline that is now left forgotten... despite calls between landline is free.

and now even the little handphone does more than just calling and sms. camera functions, multimedia, applications, games, video and once combined with the internet... everything else we'd never imagine just 20 years ago. while convenience and being connected to the world has its wide advantages in this speedy world, we still appreciate some disconnected time every now and then.

do we even give our landlines as a contact number? hardly. not what i call a safe thing especially in need of emergencies. or maybe it doesnt apply in cases when no one is at home most of the time (ie, me). i dont even remember my own house landline, both penang (which i've received a new one when mum re-connected the line last year) and KL (5891- what?).

I bet Bell would never dreamed of how vast communication has advanced, all thanks to his invention. but he may be a little sad, for we all have forgotten the basics that lead right up to this day.

the blogger reminisce her relationship with the push-button phones but cannot recall if her home landline ends with a 527 or a 257.

Nowhere in veins

2011-06-14T23:55:00.000+08:00

Another wave of being neither here nor there...

i dont know why i even bother in the first place. like the past 10 years would have at least taught me something. hope spends most of its time deceiving me. even the tiniest winciest bit of hope laughs back at me in the face.

neither here nor there...

i fit nowhere during schooldays. i can get along just fine with most people in school, having being in the same ground for the maximum of 11 years. i gave up explaining what Sunday School is and taunts of being holy. and when secondary ensues, everyone naturally change their closed circle. lost my best-est friends then, got to know other friends better. and the character behind each name.

when everyone excitedly complimented Darwin the dolphin, or laugh at what Ross did the night before , all i could do was listen to their stories of the late tv shows (defined after 10pm). even sunday morning cartoons back then were alien to me. when they were singing to 911 and BSB, i was 6 months behind. as the crowd happily head to McD almost every Friday (both to eat and to admire at the opposite gender), the number of my lunches there were countable both hands. i guess basically there's only that much a school student could do or go together when vicinity of malls were too far, and public bus scarcely make its appearance.

the fact that listening more than sharing in a conversation was pretty intimidating already. it makes you invisible. or sit at the end of canteen benches. laugh along with them of humour and jokes that made sense or caught the logic of it. but somewhere in silence, this kind of social conversation isnt going to strengthen down the years.

when the days proceeded on to tertiary starting after SPM, it was a minority form 6 for me, and even then, i switched to arts. the whole process of knowing friends better restarted. being a minority of english Ed vs the chinese ed students, its like they were the only ones i have. even those in science, it became an invisible wall somehow. again, changes of closed circle. but my stayed just within school and school only. majority went to colleges or headed overseas after that. trying to organise dinners when they were back during breaks have always been challenging. in the end, those who tried in the past gave up... and everyone just resorted to do their own things.

priorities change as time goes by. interests and conversational topics change. people that we encountered also change as we go on.

another set of minority sets in during uni. language sets such a strong barrier to the point of being labelled arrogant. club activities kept me sane and with many personal cover-ups, yet the etched mark surfaces... all these will end when its over.

we all just live for the present, dont we?

a few things that somewhat remained stagnant - the sense of belonging doesnt go deep down the veins. and retaining friends is just impossible to keep up. and it isnt helpful having a split in the north and central.

the current surrounding will indeed take away the attention and time. and life will conform to it. people and lifestyle, even separated by 380km itself proved different. and at times, whatever outside is there just doesnt matter anymore. same goes on the vice versa of locations.

for the case up north, i shall just pass off telling people that im around. and forget about trying to arrange anything with them, on a scale of more than 3 people inclusive myself. and socially, im more subdued.

hence, i do feel living like a split personality. One, is to keep with what everyone expects you to be. that kind of character that people like so much or recognise (or admire for the not-so-right reasons). or uphold the image that comes with certain conduct that's invisibly labelled on the forehead. it doesnt give you that space to be whom you are inside, or how you feel inside at all. Altman's theory, otherwise the Onion theory ~~which is the very few things i still remember from uni surprisingly~~, people dont simply reveal their inner characteristics in front of different people.

Two, who i am here and at the other home, still carries a difference. surrounded with the kind of people and the situation/freedom i have... sometimes i dont believe it as being me (re: random midnight movie a couple of weeks back).

does the term scattered all over the place make any sense to someone who feels all over and yet without a sense of belonging. what life is in KL is something i can never relate anytime before my presence. the works of trying to fit in numerously fish second thoughts... adapting to who we are, or trying to be?

even more so, i'd prefer to keep a low profile. i dont want attention. not asking for it. and im better off behind the scene, thank you. it gives me the breathing space out of sight. and people wont have to ask me stupid questions of why im being quiet (when i have absolutely nothing to say, my mouth doesnt run all the time), or why i look sad (when its just a normal minding-my-own-business expression... like am i supposed to be smiling like some lunatic all the time?).

so what do i recognise myself in the end?
seriously, i dont know. i am what i am when i am not.
not understanding self well enough to drive a stake anywhere.

and where am i after all these years?

still floating in and around circles...

i should just live up in a cave with the mountain lions.

Late for School

2011-06-13T12:59:00.000+08:00

I just have to blog this. For it'll be a very long time if it ever happens again!

whilst in the slumber of sleep, sometime around 7.00am-ish, the tune of the school song blared... Kami bangga dapat nama murid sekolah Convent Green Lane, cergas dan berdikari....

SHIT, I'm LATE for school!!!!

then a sudden pause... wait, how come i'm in school? what school???
and it was back to bed, leaving the words of the school song to fade away.

im aware school starts today, but to be jolted out from slumberland from the blaring speaker from the school hall, perhaps my sleeping power wasnt as strong as i thought.

unfortunately (since im no longer schooling), the back of the house faces the primary school hall. it isnt the first time to be awaken by the national or state anthem, or even the school song. but this one was just a sudden case.

having said so, it could be the case of not knowing what it was like back then, of being late for school. being such a slowpoke back then, i'd wake up 45 minutes before the bell rings. a whole entire forty-five minutes, when all it takes is just 30 SECONDS WALK to enter the school grounds, from backdoor to backdoor.

11 years in CGL, i was never once late for school. and now ten years later, isnt it a bit too late to panic?

funny, right? i think so too.

The Lost Time of Surrounding

2011-06-11T21:01:00.000+08:00

suddenly things seemed distant and left me behind.

Or rather, i've left it for too long.

this would have been one of a longer trips back home i had since i started working. this year alone, I've only made 2 short trips during cheng beng and ricky's wedding last weekend.

dying are the days where i could boast of knowing what's at where. many things have changed. many things, or rather concrete, has sprouted its sky rocket cost. many old buildings too, have been torn down to make way for modernisation and towers of accommodation.

where i live, is totally different from how it is in KL.

it is true that this little island holds a lot of things. being an island, the sea is naturally there and being reclaimed. and where there is flat land, there has to be some kind of hill. there are malls which we used to frequent and no longer in the list when new malls are built. there also the ones that are relatively new but way too many on the island (not to mention i havent stepped on it yet). gardens. parks. cinema. foodie delights.

just dont expect any of these to be a 5 minute drive radius range. this aint puchong where you throw a rock and you hit almost everything.

the nearest mall takes at least 25 to 30 minutes drive on normal speed. gym alone can take 30. grocery shopping at Tesco would be about 10-15 minutes. reaching the sea (note: SEA) would be right after Tesco, but it's all reclaimed and no longer a place for evening stroll. and if it wasnt for E-Gate next to Tesco, starbucks, sushi king and some decent restaurants would be all the way at the malls. Pelita mamak too, is situated at the same vicinity.

the ONLY thing which is within 5 minutes (or less) driving radius - hawker, schools, minimarts, market, Maybank, schools. and McD. the only sucky thing about this McD is that they dont do delivery... and it's only a friggin 2 minutes ride!

i guess that's what you get for older housing areas where you dont have such thing as central township. then again, i hope this prime quaint little area will not make way to high-rise residential area while i'm still alive.

new housing areas are constantly growing, pretty much similar to the ones in KL. gated community and at least double storey, three, bungalows or condominiums. and all reaching out to northern and southern parts of the island. and by the price here, it's pretty hefty.

that kinda explains why i like popping over to some people's house coz it does feel like my own home.

i havent done much since being back here. spent most of the time at home reading and online. weather hasnt been really that great between cloudy and rainy. and with more sunshine today, the over-delayed gym made its appearance and all the way to Tg Tokong (yes that is far). and also Tesco trip. that's all i've done. kinda lazy too, albeit im supposed to meet up with a few classmates. school holiday will be over and thus, perhaps i can venture to the new frequently-break-down Penang Hill Railway train, go visit the top of Kek Lok Si and things like that.

perhaps the kind of life here and kl differs too... but the similarities in both is that i'm much of a lazy home-type bummer.

we'll see how it goes...

WhAcK!

2011-06-09T13:32:00.000+08:00

All that i need.

' nuff said.

Roof Rules

2011-06-06T12:45:00.000+08:00

Life's never fair, isnt it?

as long im a female
as long im the only daughter
as long im the youngest
as long im under the same roof
and regardless of whatever age....

Rules under the Roof applies.

exactly the reason why i left, eight years ago.

Battle of the sub & consciousness

2011-06-02T21:51:00.000+08:00

i really have to ask. as it is somewhat a bummer.

have you at times, either during a night sleep or an afternoon nap (or nap anytime of the day) had the subconscious playing away?

the feeling that you know that you're sleeping, and the mental visions that you see are the things you would be doing when you're awake soon after. yet at times, it's not what you're supposed to do. and try what the telly has been implanting in our head all these while.

pinch yourself and you'll be transported back to reality. after feeling the pinching pain, you see yourself waking up (read: SEE YOURSELF). and the after-action repeats itself. all that countless pinching and slapping sure didnt work. the feeling that im aware im still sleeping and not waking up was pretty disturbing.

i dont think i've sleepwalked before. but could this be what it is like?

there was an sms to be sent for tonight's decline. perhaps i did sms, controlled by the subconscious mind. i dont know. i cant recall. the next thing i saw in my head was to get up and check if i wasnt dreaming of that texting action. did i even wake up a moment to text in reality? did i lull back into sleep that fast? or was i still dreaming?

how does anyone dream of what it was dreamt? now which is real? what is real?

finally he saved me from my dreaming despair, for his reply beeped away.
~~it'll be really funny if he ever knows about this... minus my self-humour descriptive hero~~

i dont find this subconscious and semi-conscious addling with my brains funny.

Believing the Not

2011-06-01T20:02:00.000+08:00

to speak less, ended up to say unnecessary.

who am i deceiving at the end of the day?

the works of False Truth.

what is there to be believed then?

Of Lesser

2011-06-01T00:01:00.008+08:00

of lesser words
saying little
know nothing
hurt less

of lesser thoughts
think little
know nothing
feel less

of lesser time
spent little
know nothing
remember less

of lesser connection
worry little
know nothing
care less

you

to speak less

bite my tongue more

thoughts will never change

you

to share less

burden need not to split

for many of your own to cope

you

to set the distance

of what not to know of

for the times better without

of the words to speak less

of the thoughts to share less

of the time spent less

of the bonding known less

of the truth to hide

of the mind to conceal

of the faces to fake

of the self unrevealed

after all said, done, dealt

still much is in silence

for the story ends here

no more you shall learn

Face

2011-05-31T09:43:00.001+08:00

I wake up in the morning
Put on my face
The one that's gonna get me
Through another day
Doesn't really matter
How I feel inside

it should have been a flesh wound ....

Life's a living lie once again.

Black energy

2011-05-30T23:27:00.000+08:00

running is probably one of a skill - literally and metaphorically.

most of my realism is negative. even the lowest expectation pains me. so why the idealist and positive.

my sense of confidence and believe, is a size of a peanut. the rest is just fried and a show.

im a walking liar. it takes great skills to put up a front everyday.

i hate mirrors. it shows too much.

its not the ego that makes me refuse assistance. it does disgust me that i cant do it myself.

if accepted, its usually out of laziness.

i can never quite say thanks without doubting the genuine of the tone.

im a control freak especially the kind for my own self, not for others.

put me first in line and it'll backfire.

there is no vision or dreams. its too much to materialise.

being with certain people occasionally puts me lower.

is there any reason to do something which i cannot even swallow it for others.

if you see my back, its because i dont want you to see the front.

self mortification takes a backseat after a year and a half. because it no longer satisfying.

the whole load above isnt exemplary. and i really should stop wear that kind of hat.

funny how some black spots just cant be removed after countless washings.

Installation

2011-05-24T14:12:00.000+08:00

it's a mix between a noob and a semi version

all i know... to format a laptop and install the OS and its updates.... it's one hell of a time.

Let's hope i dont have to do this at any near time within 5 years.

cant believe im spending 1 and a half day just for this. bah.

Of Endings, Beginnings & Nasi Lemak

2011-05-21T14:52:00.001+08:00

It's May 21 today. and whilst the recent happenings has been quite a joy, i must add that celebrating certain ending and beginning in a bad manner is indeed a kill joy.

While my usual commitment of wesak day usually goes to sukhihotu to assist in manning the sales, it was a slow pace at Utama Bodhi Vihara. compared to other places where i've been to - BMV or Genting, where we would really scramble our way - this one so mild that scramble moment was perhaps... 10 minutes. and what amazed me would the nasi lemak that Jo's mum bought. opening the particular packet that i picked out of the 4, this one had one BIG ikan bilis as long as 6cm (Ron called it salmon), and TWO peanuts, a small piece of hardboiled egg and a slice of cucumber. regardless of the price of RM1.00, I've had better from from my colleague's purchase. what amuses me a lot about nasi lemak are the countable number of ikan bilis and peanuts with one hand. really, gone were the days when you can skip the counting part and just indulge it. what inflation does to the society...

Nasi lemak aside, the wesak spirit from various peeps were going all out at BMV and SJBA. and also prior to wesak, it was a small show in Pyramid for Kechara's event.

while wesak came and left, the main thing of the month is a change in my career.

perhaps i found it weird for people to 'like' the resignation or rather, the last day of my job.

it's been 4 years (and 2-3 weeks) since i've been with this company. whilst ive learned quite a fair amount of knowledge of paediatric related disease, vaccination, nutrition, breastfeeding and other 1001 things which totally doesnt apply to my single life as it's all parenting knowledge (it doesnt necessarily means i make a better parent). and perhaps the kind of skills ive picked up are the kind which i'd say that any TDH (tom, dick & harry) could also pick up and roll it out. and learning has come to a point where the curve is one horizontal line...

face it, the project isnt going any further if it's only going to be me alone, and facing turnovers ever so often. and there's only that much i can learn from banging into walls. not the smartest way. but i definitely have enough of it.

so here's a glass of imaginary champagne to celebrate my little freedom!
sadly i cant make it real, with another nasi lemak story...

seriously, what's with nasi lemak stealing the limelight?

call it greedy. call it stupidity. call it jimat. call it whatever you want. but im getting an ultimate payback for my action and nonchalant.

we ordered nasi lemak from my (ex)colleage on wednesday, which i didnt get a chance to savour it for morning tea as i ended up having an unscheduled meeting at lunch time, not long after my morning meeting. then it was afternoon. the poor nasi lemak was left alone. and as early evening came with the rain, keropok lekor was not a choice. thus a sniff of nasi lemak which didnt smell sour nor bad.... i ate it, of course. thinking the worse case, i'd probably be in toilet 2-4 hours later instead with a bad stomach ache.

nothing happened. little did i know it was too early to sing rejoice.

it wasnt 4 hours. but a good 14 hours or so for the reaction to kick in the first thing in the morning from the first stool. the second one an hour later wasnt showing any stool improvements. alas, yours truly was up for a long ride. so make that a record of 8 toilet trips on Thursday. not to mention company lunch was ayam penyet. dehydrated, feeling lethargic and tired, i gave it to a very early night's rest, hoping things will be better the next day.

the panel doctor was practically smirking, calling me greedy the next morning when i decided i needed medication and being last day of work (to make company pay for the bills). then a nagging pain in the stomach but it felt more like gastric pain, yet i was still eating as normal routine - both porridge for lunch and dinner, both as a treat (bummer!). i lost count the number of toilet trips i had.

i gave up counting today, just sticking to fluids and eating bread only. 3 trips so far, and now with a headache which could possibly due from the lack of water. that pulsating throb in the brain when you get up and walk, i really hate it.

ive no idea how long this will last, with the diarrhoea and headache and whatelse, but it isnt how i anticipate my new-found freedom. so for now, before i embark on some random thing like KL adventures or shopping or just about anything else, im just going to get myself recovered first. im pretty grateful that i wasnt at the point of vomitting also.

note to self: not to eat nasi lemak after 4 hours after purchase.

Counting glees

2011-05-09T23:02:00.000+08:00

This has absolutely nothing to with the show.

i suppose if you take in each spoonful of ice-cream with pleasure and delight, this month's simple glee is like hazelnut chocolate ice-cream.

3 days.
he's coming home =)

5 days.
MOD performance at Sunway Pyramid in conjunction with wesak.

6 days.
Korea cultural performance. and either doll up in cheongsam or nonya kebaya to usher.

8 days.
Wesak dawn has paced in softly.....

11 days.
Fare-ye well, last day of work.

12 days.
First day being a vineyard owner. and many more new thoughts and ventures ensue.....

18 days.
soaking up the homey island for a month. KL will have to do without me and the Film Festival, camps, SCKLM Twitter competition, everything else i'll have to miss.

So which one am i feeling all excitedly fuzzy and warm first...?

full of glee...

May trifles

2011-05-08T19:15:00.000+08:00

The temperature is running at 36 degree Celcius. with days like this, while im alone in the house regardless day or night, pants below the knees is an absolute no. and for top, the less cloth, the better.

i guess being in office most of the time, the aircond really does get to me, especially when there's no necessity to drop it lower than 20. but all that, and more of office quirks, will come to an end when when it's time for me to leave and take flight to a new venture (which i know not of yet) in 2 more weeks. its hard to deny that money is not a concern. it is, in fact. and there's only that long before when the force comes into place, and desperate measures kicks in. save that story later this month.

April's random getaway took us up north to Taiping during the long Labour Day weekend. it's been ages since i've last been to that wettest city in the country, the days when i despise memorising multiplication. as random as it was, we travelled through ipoh, taiping, up the hill and kampar for sightseeing and filling out stomachs.

Save the foodie pix in picasa 2. blame the heat, it's making me lazier.

Perhaps as much of of a homey ~~lazy~~ person i am, who just needs some time out at the end of the day to wind down, the recent weeknights of practices for performance and recording made my weekends more desirable to have my own ME time. really, you cant blame for someone who needs her 8 hours of sleep, thus reaching home to just shower and head off to bed. and that's it. typical hotel style.

perhaps living alone a little too long, made me too clingy on my personal space and freedom. and the many unsaid things that ensues it.

somehow this feeling, whatever around me seems so superficial. meaningless.

Space

2011-04-28T20:37:00.000+08:00

adaptation works in a very funny way.

when something new occurs, we cling harder to the old form. over time, we become a part of the 'new', or rather the 'new' becomes a familiar. and then, a daily norm. and for so long through time, the old form that we once cling onto, transforms into a 'new'. and at times, it gets rejected and hardly recognisable in life.

I've been living alone far too long, and counting.
anyone else to cross the boundaries is a suffocation.

especially within my own space.

Naph

2011-04-26T23:21:00.000+08:00

suddenly it's like all chemistry revisit.

i've decided to give another nickname - Naph.

that's just what fresh scent is. or rather fresh clothes. and to think at one time, four walls i owned and the air breathed in wasnt oxygen.

Yep, and to think why i didnt think of this before......

sorry, personal nut moment.

Kaypo & Simplicity

2011-04-25T00:46:00.000+08:00

I'm no fan of Wondergirl's Nobody song.

how do i put this....

im just about anybody. i may not be somebody. but i know im not a nobody.

sometimes a simple few hours of hanging out can be pretty warming. like that simplicity of contentment. perhaps nothing much really.

but not everyone kaypo while packing, isnt it?

i want a fridge magnet.